Confinement weeks over. I've decided to stay low and observe first. Bringing in 2 shitty nokia phones,(3 batteries in total) none of which I know the model numbers. So that means no blogging. No music. No msn.

Not going to book out till 2 weeks later. Going to be in the jungle so.. yeah.


Gah.

HAHAHA! I found an old sim card. Plugged it into the phone and guess what I got?

Smses from 2003!

Some random picks:
2003.2.23
07:59:35
Oh baby this is tpm. We're gonna use e same phone. I bought mine yesterday. Haha..

2003.2.23
08:16:10
Btw to top up to 6100 is less den a hundred. I considering.

2003.2.23
08:59:32
Bored mah! -grins- do u want me to sing u twinkle twinkle leetle star? Hee.

2003.2.23
09:11:33
ROFL! when ur bored u don't mind doing anything! Go do ur werk, later u cannot finish then i get the blaaaame! =p

I don't know what to do now. I woke at 0539, somewhat instinctively. Breakfast, was sad. I ate gardenia chocolate twiggies I brought back from camp.


I'm not sure if I should get 2 more batteries for my phone-camera. That would be four in total. Or should I try to find a phone that has the same functions as my current one minus the camera. Or if I should forget about blogging totally. Just stick to sms and calling.

I'm not sure about what to bring in as well. What to read? Should I even read instead of sleep?

I won't be coming back for about 2 weeks. Going in today. Come this friday. We'll book out .. into the jungles. For a week. Umm. Then half of it would be gone. My batch has it at 9 weeks. I've cleared 2. After the stay in the jungles 4/9 of it would be over. I find it strange that that would mean a month would then have gone by? A month, 1/12 of a year. A month is quite long.

Anyway I don't think I can become an officer. For the computerized tests, I didn't give politically correct answers. Shrug. Who knows what would become of me after this basic training. Even if I were to become one, I don't think my injuries hold. How can they, for 9 months? My entire left shin hurts. Right knee hurts. My left hand is getting slightly weak. I fear relapse of neuropraxia. It's quite simple. I just have to fall on my left arm. Or perhaps getting banged into from the back on the left.



I still don't know what to do about the phone thing.

And so the boots causes abrasions and boils and blisters. I got these.


Guess what they gave me(for spending over, I think, $20)?





Styling gel.


Gel.


Hair gel.



The assistant said, "We are having a promotion and are giving this hair gel to you foc."
And I was rubbing my bald head saying, "Er, okay. Thank you."



I kid you not. Look at the receipt.

Supposed to book out 1230 today, but there was a delay. An hour delay. sigh. Rushed down to beach road (the orientation officers say we aren't supposed to buy things outside but our sergs make us do it anyway. damn waste of book out time but what can we do?). Bought quite a few shits. rushed back home. lots of things happened but i can't put it down here. gonna be narsisstic and post a pic of myself later.

yeh. my hair grew longer.

I'm eating taohuay now. Got the time, so I'm going to blog abit. Pretty much like a summary of what happened. It's not THAT complete because I don't have my diary with me 24/7. So I'm missing out stuff like doing up the equipments/talks etc

April
7
Met the company serg major. Quite funny and full of rubbish. Picked up alot of new 'terms'.

8
Found out that ORD is 6th feb 2008 if IPPT is maintained at silver standard.

9
-Learnt a new 'term'.
-Shower joke:
Fren was using too much shampoo despite having no hair. Someone suggested him shampooing the 'other hair'. He says he use conditioner there.

10
-Live range demo
-Intro to the compound in tekong (a minor jog)
-Sat on a 4 tonner

11
-First PT
-Saw platoon serg booking out
-My section is chinese speaking mainly
-We had paddlepop. Found out from serg that snacks like those are given out every tuesday.
-Felt depressed
-Had 3 immunizations. 2 jabs on both arms and one, oral. Bled quite abit.

12
-Long morning break
-My section was doing some self-intro thing. We were all talking rubbish and stuff.
-Intro to rifle
-Intro to hand signals (there are funny ones too)
-Intro to first aid

13
-IPPT. I got silver.
-Booking out!

Ok I'm set to go.

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Add [kare] in front of your msn nick to indicate your intention to chat.

[11:53:12 PM] MeOw~: okay i go bathe le
[11:53:18 PM] He: your last hot shower
[11:54:18 PM] MeOw~: yahg
[11:54:18 PM] MeOw~: fuck
[11:54:39 PM] MeOw~: i can't bathe cold
[11:54:39 PM] MeOw~: FUCk
[11:54:46 PM] He: haha
[11:54:49 PM] He: tell ou what
[11:54:52 PM] He: i cant use toilet paper
[11:54:55 PM] He: HAHA
[11:55:00 PM] He: ive always washed
[11:55:36 PM] MeOw~: SERIOUS?
[11:55:36 PM] MeOw~: wow
[11:55:41 PM] He: haha
[11:55:45 PM] He: talk about getting fucked



oh damn. nabeh sia. I've only crapped outside .. about.. the most.. six times or so in my entire lifetime. I hate toilet paper. haha.


One thing I know for sure this time - I'm going to learn to live/shit/wipe with toilet paper in NS.


D:

shit.

first im sick. then i almost died.

i flew off my swivel chair.

Damn. The pain that never numbs.

Each time I swallow my saliva it hurts like mofo.

No matter what I do, swallow harder, drink water, lozenges, sleep. It hurts like mofo. I've got about 28 hours to recover. If not I'm in trouble.



Right now I'm wondering about how people fare on their deathbeds. Some terrible illness. When each breath is so painful. How do they keep their optimism up? They wouldn't let go, would they? What would I be like if I were like them?


I just realize we all swallow our saliva once every 5 to 10 seconds.

Each time I swallow I cringe, my face contorts. You can see me bare my teeth and squinting.

Rage cannot numb this pain either.

Within such a cold fold of the curtain
You are sleeping alone
The voice singing the song of a prayer
is about to shine it's small light upon the fields
I saw a dream about you
You were smiling like a child
The promise of the future is nostalgic
yet distant
Believing I'll eventually reach
That verdant morning
I'll be believing in that dry winter sky

Under the trees in the breeze
I cry with my head down
I stared at my reflection
as though I was seeing it for the first time
A guitar plays the song of the person who's leaving
A star falls down to the place where someone I'll never see is waiting
No matter how much I yell out, "Don't go"
the orange colored petals float away
The memories which are softly laid on my forehead are now far away
It sings an eternal farewell
The feelings of a child who holds on to a kind hand
The wheels of fate break it off and rolls by
The guitar plays the song of the person who's leaving
Harshly picks the strings of his heart
To the new tune that does not become tainted in sadness
Even if I lose this
The red colored sand will pass on
The rhythm of parting
While burning all my memories and going back ashore
There is someone that would bring back the memories
The orange petals still sway in the wind
Even now
somewhere
That daybreak which I saw
Until the day I hold it in my hand again
Don't turn off that lamp



Why do you
With your small hands
Try to carry the pain
It's not even for just someone else
Don't look away
Find the way
Even if your hands do not reach the bright space
If you just rely on this love
If you can see the future at the end of the path you are going
You'll find the way

fuck it's seriously bad.


it hurts like mofo just to swallow saliva.


slightly feverish.

imagine staying in the sick bay or getting quarrantined on day one.


even if i attempted to 'mingle with the crowd', i can't. i dont think i can talk. what about saying yessir?

going to give damn bad impression. and besides i hate to miss out on the orientation or whatever.

ng the recruit that chao-keng on day one.

Wednesday morning. I'm a soldier; friday afternoon.

And what have I been doing? I cringe.

Nothing productive. Click around. Jog. Game. Read. Walk around. Listen to music. Wonder and ponder. Sleep. Movies. Videos.

What's wrong with being like this? Am I supposed to pick up my books now or perhaps go around hugging everyone?

I am expected to make the best out of the remaining 2 days before the confinement of 2 years begin. But what's there to do?



fuck?

Got up on the wrong side of the clock, felt something's missing.

Damn the dreamless sleep(s). I think sleep is wasted if you don't dream. And I hardly do. Too much 'ego'(in the gnostic sense) and hence the soul being tied down.


I woke up remembering that I need to do something but I can't remember what I need to do.



Was I supposed to book more driving lessons?

Do thought experiments?

Or was it preparing for NS?

Getting a camera-less phone?

Revising O levels?

Taking medicine?

Jog?

Catch a movie?

Update songs?

Reflect?

Do an errand?

Apologize to someone?

'Whack' someone subtly on MSN?

Peel off scabs?

Synchronize PDA?

Clean my room?

Reply sms?

Get presents?


Felt it was pressing but I can't recall what I wanted to do. Or what I dreamt of.


Umm. Just realized that I've not taken any meals today. Still not hungry.


7.29PM
Ah yes! I must have a BK breakfast tomorrow. :) Still, there's something else I want to do that I can't recall.

Thanks goes out to the driver of the silver van with alot of accessories who gave way to me along amk avenue 6, before yck road intersection. Thank you for slowing down and allowing me to filter lanes. Thank you.

Honestly, that was really rare. Most bus drivers will NOT hesitate to kill you. Taxi drivers included. Especially long buses. On top of that, Changing lane without due care (i.e if I misinterpreted someone else's signal when they actually want ME to give way and I took it for a friendly gesture, I would have failed immediately.) I hesitated for about 10 seconds or so (coz I missed his high-beam indication for me to pass) and still, he was very patient and gave way, causing a minor hold up along amk avenue 6. Thank you. I hope you tio 4D. ;) (I was the L-plater on car 68)

Sidetracking, I think biker chicks are cool. They need not look that badass. I saw one today, rather fair and sweet-looking. <3


I like the instructor today. Didn't fix any for once. Extremely nice. My fixed instructor took things for granted I guess. Goes on one test route. Goes to circuit once. And he likes to queue up at jammed-packed lanes in the circuit. Looks like I'm going to fix a new instructor for revision. He let me do THREE test routes. Repeated circuits over and over again. Caught me finally. No. 7 crank course. Rear left wheel struck kerb as I drove out. He commented that I had to work on lane change and filtering. Too abrupt. Other than that, my circuit was very good. Told me not to lose touch on my circuit driving as it would be crucial for me to pass. Especially when my main road sucks. Gotta book driving lessons every now and then when my BMT schedule stabilizes I guess. I don't know if it's good or bad, but today's instructor fell asleep and snored every now and then towards the end of the lesson. Good because my driving actually has the lullaby effect. Bad because he's not supposed to sleep.


Today's mistakes:
20 - Insufficient acceleration
4 points
22 - Fail to keep left (road hogging)
6 points
30 - Change lane abruptly
4 points
39 - Fail to use appropriate gear
2 points
43 - Incorrect positioning
2 points
45a - Improper turning (wide turn)
2 points
49 - Fail to check blind spot
4 pints

Total: 24 points.
=FAIL


Notes to self:
-Road
o Speed up to road limit when road is clear
o Brush up on filter/changing lanes.
o Steer slightly and accelerate.
o If you fail to overtake in time, stop behind vehicle.
o Wait for pedestrians to be at least 2 lanes away from you when driving.
o When doing a right turn during a green light (not green arrow), make sure there are NO pedestrians on the OTHER side of the road.

-Lane discipline
o Know when to keep left and middle (middle only when at amk street 62 and middle of amk avenue 6)
o Be responsive to commands such as 'lane change'.

-Slope
o Use handbrake whenever in doubt. Do not be hero and use the half clutch technique to move off from slope.
o On circuit slope, maintain half clutch when accelerating on slope. Otherwise engine may stall.

-Pedals
o You can release footbrake when using handbrake. It is also much safer
o Do not rest your foot on the clutch.

-Gear changing
o Release the clutch slowly and refrain from jerking the car.
o Do not drag the car in circuit. When you have moved sufficiently, use gear 2.
o Do not shift gears redundantly.

-Parking
o When done with parking, shift gear lever to neutral, engage handbrake and indicate to the tester you are done by word of mouth or by raising your hand.
o Make sure car is centralized (front and back) for parallel parking.
o When waiting for other cars to clear the parking lots in the circuit, position your car properly to minimize obstruction.

-Mirrors
o 'Go with the flow' i.e Rear view mirror, side mirror, blindspot, side mirror, change lane.

Must have caught a cold. Slept early. Woke at 2 or so. Showered. Now I can't get back to sleep. Slightly feverish


Some folks make decisions and
some folks clean the street.

These are people/things that left their mark in me.
-The man who shouts, "currypuff ayam" from street to street. He starts his route from geylang. Bypasses woodlands.
-The man that cleans cars in the car park late at night. Leaving one wiper up to indicate his job done.
-The cleaners that clean at 5.30AM in the estate, and disappear before 6. The sound of them sweeping, raking.
-The policemen that would drive their car up to the kerb and card me whenever I hang out at weird hours.
-The workers squatting under the tree at 3.30AM by the road waiting to be picked up.
-The yellow coal-powered train with bright headlights that runs on the MRT track at about 3AM. It does servicing.
-The elderly men who jog at 5AM.
-Getting frightened and scaring the shit out of another teenager who chose to walk in unlit areas, late at night.
(Now you see why I love the night. Not to mention that everyone's asleep, the night peaceful.)


I'm wondering if it's wrong to want. Achievements. Material. Especially so when life is so hard for some people here on Earth. Some never saw light. Died in the womb. Some mutated. Others, retarded. And quite a few ran into accidents along the way.

"What the fuck does that have to do with me? That's their problem."

Crudely put, that's true. Though personally it feels wrong. The guilt of being normal. Yeah, if you put it that way, who gives a fuck if you don't have a happy family. Who gives a fuck if you don't have a boy/girlfriend. Who gives a fuck if you can't buy your ipod or some other shit. You are alive you know. In one functional piece.

There isn't really an answer that I know, but isn't it weird that we all know but we keep things at the back of our heads just to get things going?



I'm going to try to sleep.

MC hotdog presents wo3 ai4 tai2 mei4 (I love taiwan girls). :D

It does feel ages ago. The last time I drove it was on 23rd last month. Only ten days ago and it felt so long. I'm driving again tomorrow. One last time before I enlist. Trying not lose touch of the wheel. Traffic Police test on 14 june. Must make a note on booking more refresher lessons when NS life has stabilized for me.

I'm having second thoughts about doing some reflective blogging. It seems so cliche that everyone's doing it. Doing predictable things. There's nothing new. Nothing fresh. Actions. Thoughts. Words.

Still quite turned off by msn nicknames. They induce this haven't-I-seen-this-kind-of -nicks-like-years-ago feeling. People don't seem to change. Nothing seems to move. Except for new faces coming in. Fucking up more things one can possibly fuck up. I would love to list down all the nicknames in question down here but I fear I'll tread on toes again.

I would ask myself, "Need things be changed?" "Can't things stay the way they are?" To top that, personally, I've not changed much. Mindsets. Habits. They don't change. Other than the length of my leg hair.

But, what's wrong with them being them? Is it only right to be cold. To have no voice. To be uniform. To have none of those attention-seeking or self-pitying or lovesick nicknames. It would be so wrong to make people conform to karebian ideals.

I think there's something very wrong with me. I would love to change myself. I hope I can get it done within the next 2 years. I would like to accept people for who they are, myself included. Paradoxical isn't it?

Speaking of which. NS. Haven't got much thoughts about that, but I think I'm going to abandon my chat-on-msn-in-army activity. I want to try to be more normal-er. Blogging will still be ongoing over at diaryland. If I don't do that, I'll still keep a pen and paper diary anyway so why not.

I'm probably going to cry in NS. Not sure if that makes me a wuss, but I'm rather susceptible to emotions. Almost every movie makes me cry. Like I just did. I watched V for Vendetta. That doesn't mean I'm going to drop my rifle and sit there and cry. I can seriously imagine myself crying in trenches during war but still taking down enemy soldiers. They say - Courage is not the absence of fear, but the capacity to act despite our fears. Does crying equate fear in this case? Is it alright to cry? What's wrong with crying? (Ironically, on saying this, the strange fact is that most of the times things don't happen as one would expect them to.)

Preparations for NS? Inventorially, yes. Physically? Not so. I'm still 80kg. As fat. Didn't attempt to run/jog more than I would normally do. Didn't go on a last minute crazy diet. Mentally. More or less.


Three days to go. Haha. I'm going to try to dig some questions. Resurfacing them. I'm going to keep myself mentally occupied during the next 2 years.




Say, isn't it odd that I hate conventional behaviors and now I'm counting down to NS?

there's a lake in the park
there's a house by the lake
there's a girl in the house in the park by the lake
and the girl in the house by the lake in the park
is the girl in the little green hat
and tonight after it
that's when I got a date
when the moon's riding high
and the stars light the sky
with the girl in the house by the lake in the park
the girl in the little green hat
there's the water in the lake
there's the roof up upon the house
no trees in the park at all
but if you wait beside the lake
I'll be welcomed at the house
and meet up by the garden wall
there's a ship on the lake
and a sailor on the shore
there's a girl in his arms
she's the girl I adore
so goodbye to the house by the lake in the park
and the girl in the little green hat

there's a storm on the lake
there's a ship in the storm
there's a girl on the ship in the storm on the lake
and the girl in the lake on the ship in the storm is the girl in the little green hat
as the ship starts to tip
she is losing her grip
every dip makes a tip
not the girl but the ship
but the girl on the ship
has been back from the trip
the girl in the little green hat
she's sailing quite enough
she's been clinging to the rail
she's be dying to be hold once more
'cause the lake is rather rough
and the girl is rather pale
she's rather glad to get her feet on the shore
as she came from the ship
for a round to the a trip to my arms
now I'm at the park in the house by the lake with the girl in the little green hat

:)

Standard iron tablets. The 'missy' saw the huge ass plaster on my elbow and gave me extra 2 Tegaderm Pad. ty :)

A peek inside.
The ball is free to take now. In fact, you are obliged to take it.
And finally something useful. Just a pity that I bought my own kit already. =/
It has:
1 non woven sponge
1 long adh strip
5 plast
1 first aid mask
1 soap wipe
1 cleaning wipe
1 conforming bandage
1 roll of tape
1 scissors
safety pins
1 triangular bandage