I've always wanted foam ear plugs for live firing coz they are so much more comfortable. And I finally got them. (I doubt I will be using them coz I'm not touching any weapons anymore.)

.. for the MRI scan just now. It was noisy. Just imagine all possible mechanical noises. Electronic chirping.



Speakers in the MRI dome: "ahem, keep still during the scan or it'll be blur and we'll have to re-do. If you need to talk to us just press the control (looks like the pump from a sphygmomanometer)"

Thud thud thuds.
-pause-

"keep still for four minutes."

Vrooom. Hroooom.
-pause-

"keep very still for four minutes."

Vrrrrrr.
-pause-

"we are not done yet. keep very still for four minutes."

thak thak thak thak.

. . . .. . . . . . .. . .

And it went on for about 45minutes. And I was in a proning position.




Just imagine.


(I don't know why they charge 500 bucks for that. I don't think I wasted that much electricity. And there was a tiny streak of blood smear along insides.)

-------------------------------------------------------



I woke up next to you today
Knowing you had to leave forever
We cannot continue this way
I see in your face the eyes of a stranger

Like a hidden tower
Dormant
My future is trapped inside of me
For all those years I have been patient
With you I cannot set it free

Let me..

Let me..

Let me breathe
I'm suffocating I can't take it

Let me breathe
I'm afraid that I won't make it

Let me. . Let me. . Let me. .

Let me breathe
I'm suffocating I can't take it

Let me breathe
I'm afraid that I won't make it

I'm getting hard of hearing.

You know the whirring sound as you walk past sensors in stores; specifically the sound of the capacitor discharging and spooling up again? I can no longer hear that. I've also cranked up the volume for my mp3 player and speakers (a little).

Guessed I've sneezed+coughed my eardrums out. It feels like the pressure inside my head is higher than that of outside. I think a cure would be diving somewhere deep. Perhaps a 5 metre (vertical) pool.



Sometimes I'm not sure if it's right to say that I'm sick of routine life or am I just having the PBS (pre book-in syndrome) every sunday night. Fascinating isn't it. More than sixty weeks already and I still cringe at the thought of going back. Even more so, knowing that I go home everday.

Tomorrow's like a quarter day for me. I'm excused from running. So the day starts at 7.30 but work starts at 10. And I'm leaving at noon for MRI scan in the afternoon.

Still. I can't get over the fact that I've got to go back. go back.



Once inside I just switch off. And my timer rings when it's about 5 in the evening. My morale slips as the clock moves closer to 5.30. And it drops exponentially when the minute hand goes past 5.30.




And oh. I'm feeling perpetually hungry. I've not had anything tasty or sweet in the past four days. No carbo at all except for spaghetti this afternoon. I think it's a sign that my body wants to revert to my original constitution but. I would like to oppose that.


My amos cookies are out cold in the fridge.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/topgear/show/production_notes/car_football.shtml

Football will never get any mention from me. But this is an exception.

Cars playing football. Go watch the video.


"Things started to get a little dirty."

"Hey, that's a door-ball!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yp1Z4gPXheY

Another Friday night, to get the feeling right
At the bar when he sees her coming over
What you gonna do, if she walks up to you
Tongue tied better get yourself together
Pound another drink, to give him time to think
What's your sign hey I think you know a friend of mine
All the stupid lines, that he had ever heard
Wouldn't come to mind he couldn't say a word

Tonight Tonight, he's gonna get it right
Even losers can get lucky sometimes
All the freaks go on a winning streak
In a perfect world, all the geeks get the girls

Got her holding steady, forgot her name already
Sweatin' hard not a smooth operator
She's got it going on, dancing to her favorite song
He's got the line is it your place or mine
She turns and walks away, where did he go wrong?
But waiting by the car, she says what took you so long


Tonight Tonight, he's gonna get it right
Even losers can get lucky sometimes
All the freaks go on a winning streak
In a perfect world, all the geeks get the girls

The very next day, he guessed she ran away
The one and only in his bed so lonely
But she comes walking in, with coffee and a grin
Crazy as it seems, it wasn't just a dream
And all around the world, people shouted out
The geeks got the girl

Last night he finally got it right
Even losers can get lucky sometimes
All the freaks go on a winning streak
Shout it all around the world cause the geeks get the girls

Last night he finally got it right
Even losers can get lucky sometimes
All the freaks go on a winning streak
Shout it all around the world cause the geeks get the girls

Shout it all around the world cause the geeks get the girls

do you work on music producing?:)


hmmmmm. music production. maybe next time.

it's no news that i'm lazy. i like things the easier way out. i love shortcuts. i love doing less. none if possible. lady luck is in love with me. so am i. it's just. the odds. impossible. all these things.


i've got two clerks here in my building who love to pretend that they are one of us. come on. what's so good about being a _____. it's not like we get some special respect. fear maybe. but what's the point.


i'm downgrading. i predict i'll secure a downgrade before june. this will exempt me from everything physical. think runs. live firing. physical fitness tests. less laundry. less cleaning of arms.

went to doc today. gave him a headache - i don't think he saw anyone with everything 'damaged'. he was scribbling madly on his diagnosis sheet. all limbs. stress fractures. damaged ligaments. joints. i only plan to throw these cards if need be - knees, back and shoulder. so far i see no need to.

nothing's actually damaged though. just minor damages that are exaggerated. come on. i'm still running 10km every now and then. skating so often.

anyway the doc extended my medical status by another 22 days to 84 days. which is the requisite for downgrading. i just have to get my specialist's memo, mri and nmi scans and the broth is done. i'll split these tasks up so that i can then take more offs for medical appointments; medical appointments in the early afternoon.

i'm just. very sick of getting arrowed to do work. having to go to ECP on saturdays to run for 30mins and head home. having to help carry stores and shift things. errands. having to sweat. sweating is no issue until you have to change your uniform - folding it is a pain, if not, the ironing. though I don't do the washing or ironing, i feel the pain for my mum.

just before i reach ORD, i'll push for a permanent downgrade so that i can shorten my reservist liability. having a perm downgrade now is troublesome. risks of revocating. and going through new courses.



just wanna get things over and done with.










just to add, i removed all photos that have my picture. if you happen to come across any that's not, kindly leave me a tag. anonymous one will do.

As requested,

"Do you think that there is always a better man out there in the world?"

She was gazing out her side of the door window, slipping her ring in and out of her finger.

I did not dare to say anything, merely offered her tissue to wipe herself dry.

Somewhat feverish before I slept.

Right now I feel my guts contracting spasmatically. The next wave should be sometime soon.


Sometimes

It's really irritating when you are in labor pain, rush to the toilet and bah, it's barely a trickle.



Oh ya. Sometimes you try to shit and nothing comes out. You get bored and your mind wanders.


I'm thinking I'm might get a tattoo of a heart. And in it's a name that reads ling or fang. Actually common names will do.



So what do you see in him?

At first I didn't think much of him. But after seeing that tattoo, I guess he must be really crazy about me.




fuck. i'm going back to the toilet again.

I think regulars are retarded.




Dear Sir,

Do you honestly believe that everyone's fighting so hard to rise up through the ranks, especially the NSFs? Do you think that everyone desires to be a lieutenant, if not, at least a sergeant? Maybe most. But has it ever come across to you that quite a few NSFs have the potential, mentally and physically, to be excellent officers, but they simply refused to?

Regulars think brains are proportional to rank. And using this loophole, by becoming a corporal, one is able to deny almost all responsibilities. It's not that they aren't able to accomplish tasks - they simply refuse to. How is it that someone who converses; be it through mail or verbally, with sound grammar and perfect tenses, is unable to comprehend instructions, for perhaps, coming up with a proposal, help prepare slides for conference and what have you.

And if you think that by giving a prep talk, NSFs would actually put in more effort into their work? Oh please, your fellow colleages (regulars) do not give a shit. Why should we? Just give me one good reason to.



You know. I might consider going the extra metre if I were offered off(s)/leave(s). Perhaps not.

No. Probably not.

5 more tracks.

Markus Schulz - You Won't See Me Cry


Hammer and Funabashi ft Angie Hedman - This Moment (Original Mix)


Elles de Graaf - Show You My World (Ferry Corsten Extended Remix)


Alex Morph pres Everest ft Tashita - Oree (Vocal Mix


Deepsky ft Jes Brieden vs Yilmaz Altanhan - Ghost vs Eighties (AVB Mashup)

if i get paid for every youtube subscriber/comment... .. .

maimed.

my only good hand is gone too.

skating. kept falling. once too often.

i must say i don't feel as aggressive as before. would be kinda hard to pull things off if i were to pick a fight.

my eyesight. seems to be getting bad. i'm not sure if it's deterioriating or if it's reverting slowly to 20/20.

I don't know what you're looking for
you haven't found it baby, that's for sure
You rip me up and spread me all around
in the dust of the deed of time

And this is not a case of lust, you see
it's not a matter of you versus me
It's fine the way you want me on your own
but in the end it's always me alone

And I'm losing my favourite game
you're losing your mind again
I'm losing my baby
losing my favourite game

I only know what I've been working for
another you so I could love you more
I really thought that I could take you there
but my experiment is not getting us anywhere

I had a vision I could turn you right
a stupid mission and a lethal fight
I should have seen it when my hope was new
my heart is black and my body is blue

And I'm losing my favourite game
you're losing your mind again
I'm losing my favourite game
I've tried but you're still the same
I'm losing my baby
you're losing a saviour and a saint

underground or aeroplane
it doesn't matter in the end
i know it has to be this way
you're leaving me

so i'll write my little love song
and sing it to the wind

you're out there on the roads tonight

miss your breath against my skin
you love me then you leave me

still i lie here

and i miss you


and i miss you


and i miss you


i know that i should be in bed
it's almost 3 am

but when i close my eyes i can only see miles of heaven
flashing out in the distance

know that it's been calling out to you


it's just part of who i am


close to me


i miss you


and i miss you

went to the garage just now.

learnt that air in engine can cause engine temp to rise very fast when you rev.


and a porche crashed along (old) woodlands road. must have been speeding to fly that far off the road.

I try to speak as little as possible these days. It seems better that way. Irrational, but comforting.




Suffering is good. It is inevitable. It seems to be the promise of all good things.