CNY was very meaningful today. I studied my jap and ..

2 wrong, 1 forgot. 


i got all correct finally 


some fucker drew on my eraser when i went to the toilet 

today's the 31st of jan. right? 


you have to stay and listen. o.o 


should i open it? 


the picture doesn't show it open. so im not opening it. and it may just pop all over if i open it. 


THIS SIDE UP 


experiencing torture. the ends actually goes up and down like wings. 


contortion. 


getting bigger. 


and even bigger. im scared its going to explode. so im holding like some shit to shield my face as i 'watch and listen'. (you can see that in the reflection if you look hard. 


end product. 


the paper is hot. 


hm. 


can you see steam? 


and this is my dinner. the only regret - it's salty. =/ 

I'm going mad. The smell is intoxicating.

I'm watching memoirs of a geisha. it sucks. the japanese doesn't sound native. the fake engrish doesn't sound as though it was spoken by a japanese either. don't speak it, even if it's pretend-to-be-fucking-engrish; if you can't. have the whole thing in fucking english and add fucking subtitles.
---
what the fuck? a japanese lady says, "hashite ya don don.. YOU ARE LATE!"
---
i see a couple making out in MOAG, the guy is wearing jeans. what the fuck. im getting really pissed
---
yeah sure. japanese letter written across instead of right to left laterally.
---
now promise me, next time you take a tumble, no frowns.

i get it.
---
"That winter I turned fifteen."
karebu: "But you look twenty."
---
"In this tiny world of women, friends turned against friends."
---
water is powerful
---
*strike *strike
"For luck!'
---
"A man's eel visits a woman's cage"
---
The accent changed during the war.

I was right. The cast is made up of ABCs.

somehow my com hanged when I tried to upload this earlier on. let me try again.




We'll evacuate by a light year warp.


5 years within the speed of light
is the same as eternity.


So I've set a goal
I will make my mind colder, harder and stronger.
I won't keep hitting the door which I know won't open.
I will

grow up alone.




I want to be in the rain.
I want to go to a convenience store
and eat ice cream together




To grow up you need to experience pain.
To become yourself, you must be able to go further and further away.



Since then, I can't say I've not hesitated.



It only had two lines.
But I think even this is a miracle.
See, I have a lot of fond memories.
There is nothing here.
For example, nothing like the soft sound of rain hitting the umbrella,
the smell of asphalt after an afternoon rain.



Although we're very very very far away
Thoughts can bypass time and distance
Have you ever thought like that?
But if you ever did so.
What would I think, then?
What would you think?



We must be thinking the same thing.

Hey, I'm here.

oh my god.

it's still a fckniog pubcki hoildiapublic holiday!

arghh.

I've just watched cheaper by the dozen part one.



I'm feeling fucking lazy. No, I am lazy.

Can't really be bothered to do things.

There's no point thinking. There's no point talking. I've been here more the a dozen times.


I think. The most important thing to do, is mindset shift. It's crucial. So that I would move on with life. Instead of being stuck, being the same me, for five years?


Before I sleep today I will repeat this,
"Change your mindeset. Change your mindeset. Change your mindeset. Change your mindeset. Change your mindeset. Change your mindeset. Change your mindeset. Change your mindeset. Change your mindeset. Change your mindeset. Change your mindeset. Change your mindeset. Change your mindeset. Change your mindeset. ..................."

A free sized umbrella. Since you can't shield something that's a metre wide from rain. The question is:


To fit what? 


I risked my life for this shot. wooooo 

Someone signed in with the nick - living a life that counts for eternity.


Random thought.

If you are behaving for the sake of going to heaven or if you fear some ass-poking-trident-wielding demon down there, then you aren't really living. Being 'good 'should come natural. You should feel happy and proud by living life proper, your way.


That's life.

I'll probably remember this for life.

My aunt was like touching my leg(calf/shin region to be exact), and she said, "So manly";

be wearing long pants for a loong time.

Thoughts of the day:

What makes someone seem older?

How should a thirty year old behave?

Let me try putting myself in the shoes of a thirty year old.

How should I socialize with people?

What should my outlook of life be?

How should I react to things?

How do you change your aura to reflect that of someone older? Must it necessarily be a colder one?





Surely, thus far we've come, we have done things wrong. Is there a need to ponder about wrong-doings? Or just let things be, and feel sour inside each time you think back and recall?





enough for the day.

Check this out. I'm getting a custom label to stitch onto my uniforms when I enter the army. 

I don't deserve this shit. Like seriously. I don't even visit people. I don't even smile or tell people gxfc that kinda stuff.The only reason why most are blue because I'm an only child. If you don't understand, here's the explanation. Most parents are only willing to spend like, say $50 per household. You visit someone with five kids. Will you give each one a $20 dollars angpow? Or would you give each $10? Go figure.  

When you are bored, it's rather interesting to do a google search on "I hate CNY".

Actually, I wanted to go with the flow; to get involved and pretend to be happy and all. I couldn't. All I did - put on a chao bin.


Maternal side is kinda effed up; there's nothing to talk about.


Over here on my paternal side it's a fucking retarded thing. It means the young and the old being retarded, getting so happy just to be able to come together to gamble. Either that or sit around the tv and watch documentaries. It really makes me wonder what CNY is about, and how people celebrate it elsewhere, say, china/taiwan etc.

I don't quite fit in, or perhaps I don't fit myself in.

In fact, what I had in mind was to pretend to be sick this morning; how I wished to be in army and that I genna guard duty today.

I’m trying to go home asap. And I’m definitely not going out tomorrow.

Two spoonful of vodka to one can of pepsi max is the thing.



I need to find a new sinseh. There's something else damaged, not my wrist/knees, somewhere else damaged. Apparently, what they would do is, press my soles or take my pulse to see what's damaged. Internal damage. (hoi-ya! sounds like some chinese kungfu thing. 'i genna 'nei shang'! then vomits blood, dies, with eyes wide open.' Okay, that's too much of Fearless)
-----


There are definitely many people who are in their thirties, aged or even dying, who aren't really mature. Group them, or pair them up with people with the same mentality, and it would seem only normal to be so.

I've heard of tales from jh that the eye tee E people are always doing stupid things, like throwing pebbles at people, tearing corners out of their notes and throwing parts of their bunk-mates' rifles somewhere.

I have seen beng-lian couples. The lian being really stupid over really small things. Whacking the beng in the balls. And the beng doing all sorts of stupid things to please her.

There are people over thirty years old on my MSN list, displaying nicknames that would make me think that they were preteens, if I had not clicked on them. And even so, there are alot of people that remind me of my past. The nicknames I used on MSN five years ago make me cringe today.


Maybe I just hate my past. Maybe I hate to be reminded of it.

Sometimes I wonder if it's a blessing to be immature. It is actually. People who are seemingly matured are pissed about those that aren't. And the latter seems to be rather happy in their daily ongoings. Not bothered either. They have their fun, and if they never do grow up one day, they wouldn't come to regret, either.

Lots of things don't make sense. Maybe God can't explain them either. Or maybe the system is flawed. The system being that of perceiving things via senses, processing them logically. Logic isn't logical sometimes, if you get what I mean. How else can there be so many paradoxes?
-----


To me, life is always fair. For everything you have, something else is taken away. That's what I believe in. For instance, if you are rich, there is a tendency that there's something fucked up about your family. Not a complete one, either that or you hardly interact with them. And if everyone's rather close, everything's good, there is a tendency also, for you to be short of cash.

The list goes on. It's just that most people don't see. Or rather, are not lucky enough to see or to realize that.
-----


Some people think about getting more things. All the time. What's wrong with that? Is materialism wrong?

Yea, to me it is. It's a major turn off. When I see Roxy printed on the ass of a girl. Honestly speaking, my mind makes a mental note of that person as a potential spouse; a big cross over it. I'm not sure if this is healthy or what, but when that happens I visualize lots of things.(and my visualization is superb) I can imagine them spending like several hundreds in one shop(not one shopping trip), if they can afford to. And they will be dreaming or hoping to marry a ready-made millionaire. They are two-faced, the other's hidden most of the time. They do not mind doing anything just to get money. Pretending to love. Even for a lifetime, so long the cash is there.

And imagine if you were deceived.

So now, let me attempt to convert myself to a girl, and think about this again. Wait wait wait. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be a fun-loving one. Or a god-loving one. Or a sensible one. Or.


The fun-loving girl says,
"Being able to spend and spend and spend and shop all day with my girlfriends is wonderful. Just think of how happy I can get."

third party:
Even if I were to marry gates, I would soon buy EVERYTHING that's possible for me to buy. What joy is that. Maybe longing is better.

Sensible girl says,
"It would be a bonus to marry a rich guy, but as long as his income is okay, and that I love him, I would be happy."


Well, they always say, "zhi bao bu liao huo." That pretty much summarizes it, discounting true love. Remember the crazy guy who loved the woman who loved his cash, who left him because he was too broke? He suicided and made it seem as though it was a murder and he changed his will in his insurance policies so as to give his mistress cash?

-----





You know what,

my wife left me because I'm too poor.





fuck.

i'm damn cold.
i'm damn cold.
i'm damn cold.
i'm damn cold.
i'm damn cold.i'm damn cold.i'm damn cold.i'm damn cold.i'm damn cold.







































i don't feel like going for reunion dinner or anything. all i've been doing today is snorting 'my stuff' back in, curling up on the bed and thinking.

It's like NY eve already.


I've got
-LED
-12V 1A voltage regulator
-Solder
-Solder Iron
-Wires

But I've forgot about
-9V battery connector
-Switch
-USB connector

I thought I could do something at home this 'holiday'.


My left knee and left wrist hurts like hell.



And speaking of which, last night, I only realized, after like 18 years, that I'm supposed to have two reunion dinners.

fuck.

what a rip-off from our old crest. 


take a look for yourself 

fuse, and solder tip which i didnt take a photo of. 

my voltage regulator for my usb charger im building