Looking up and down at the advertisements. The job openings. Looking at coffee advertisements. Visualizing thick, aromatic coffee in the morning. And wondering about the money for my coffee in the mornings.

(Of course I sat on the train. My leg is still weak.) There's this woman right beside me. She's in her late thirties. I noticed her Kate Spade iPhone case. It's a case with black and pink trims. Polka dots on the back. And it's the same one I gave her. But this woman. Her wallpaper was. I might say. Strange. Heart-wrenching.

It was a wedding photo. A wedding photo that had just her and her child. Her in her wedding dress. Her child was in a double-breasted suit. A kid-sized suit with a waistcoat. It was a wedding photo with just the bride and the child.


And an empty spot.

I think what make the day more enjoyable are struggles - the physical pains, the mental drain, the things you struggle to do, the things you push on to complete. It isn't about achieving but more of the care for others, despite all the things you need or want to do. Meet friends over meals, relish the time together. Offer to clean the house and wash the dishes. Cook a meal, however unscrumptious it might be. You would be surprised as to how heartwarming these can be. Be patient, be kind, be polite, to yourself, to others and to strangers. Be understanding, make time (however precious your time and energy might be,) for loved ones.

If music's not your thing, don't forget to have some tea - I had two cups today - you'll be happier this way.

Seek a level of understanding that is beyond comprehension. That way you will begin to understand everyone.

What if all the problems are really your fault? Would that be a horrid realization or would it just be lots of catching-up to do? I think it might just be both.

If you cannot reset your head and become that new person you desire,

seek to understand

pull your observations and findings in

throw away the mementos

forget them symbols

keep them close to your heart

brand your grey matter

etch them onto your skin

There are things we all need to do by ourselves, things we have to face, duties we are bound to.

Even the most privileged kid should make his own bed.

What is life? What does life have in store for you?

Perhaps you would find your answers in a book, mayhaps in your thousandth book. Maybe you will find it while making your own bed.

Sometimes, planting a seed of doubt is all that is required.