I've got this thing for sadness and pain. I'm not really sure why, but I feel incomplete without them.

Always wanted to learn the violin (the only instrument I know of, capable of sad pieces), always wanted to sing dirges. As for pain (no, not the self-mutilating kind), there's just something I like about it. Maybe it's not the pain but the destructiveness. How do you feel alive without them?

Being happy on the contrary makes me feel unreal. Also it seems as though there's only one way to go, that is down the mood gradient. Whereas if you were sad, you could be happy.

Being happy becomes something that is special, something you treasure, something that doesn't always come by.