As I was standing by the door on the train this morning:
"I suddenly have this wondrous feeling, this recollection of memories, of wonderful people, great mothers; of them passing away - with much peace and serenity. They have not lived in vain; in fact these lives were very much on the contrary."
sorry to whoever who called out to me from his bike
I know it was quite stupid. I stopped like thrice and so did you but.. I couldn't see clearly and it was kinda far. I was tired and I suck at recognizing faces so .. I didn't like walk back. so sorry. please contact me so that I can buy you a drink.
They never seem to lose their sense of wonder; objects come to life with just a glance. Life is beautiful, sweet and kind.
But that's all good. Why would you wake a dreamer up? I wouldn't. I feel all comforted knowing they are somewhere blissful, breathing softly in their rest.
Do you have to jolt them out and flash them cards of misery, pain, callousness? Like a bard, you spin them tales, folklores, rumors and legends; of men falling, of those that are deceitful and unfaithful. And to remind them that assets gathered over the years will all crumble to dust one day.
These are the kind of dark stories they cannot escape from, for who can resist the dark allure, beckoning, holding your mind captive. No one likes her embrace, that of Despair's.
Yet they are awake now, they look like deers in headlamps, stunned by the view. Their bodies feel different and now the world about them is unfamiliar.
I've got this thing for sadness and pain. I'm not really sure why, but I feel incomplete without them.
Always wanted to learn the violin (the only instrument I know of, capable of sad pieces), always wanted to sing dirges. As for pain (no, not the self-mutilating kind), there's just something I like about it. Maybe it's not the pain but the destructiveness. How do you feel alive without them?
Being happy on the contrary makes me feel unreal. Also it seems as though there's only one way to go, that is down the mood gradient. Whereas if you were sad, you could be happy.
Being happy becomes something that is special, something you treasure, something that doesn't always come by.
Infallible, the predictability, the monotony; such ineffable anguish it must have been for the Gods.
I've got a feeling that Gods themselves feel no pleasure being in heaven - such longing, such delirium can only be felt when you are condemned far, far below.
One would be hanging around, burning, peeling, neither dead nor alive. Perhaps you could still make out with random lovers while being roasted.
It would be hard to differentiate then, whether you are moaning in agony, or in ecstasy.
Or is there something that only Gods enjoy eternally, that mortals possess briefly?
Yes I went down to take some shots just now despite being very tired - I still am. I actually napped at 5 odd and I woke even before my alarm at 6pm rang. Still can't figure out what's keeping me up.
Hours ago I had intentionally walked squarely (as usual) into the crowd (city hall) to make people back off in hopes of making people learn to give way. And this crazy bangla DASHED in, to meet my shoulder. He rammed my shoulder using his chin. Anyway I'm (60%) sorry.
Now the question is, should I attempt to finish all my homework through the night or should I sleep first and wake up really early to do them. I've got some .. chores .. tomorrow.
nataliacopogyd@hotmail.com says: Hi .§ カレブ says: hello? .§ カレブ says: who's this? nataliacopogyd@hotmail.com says: hey, A/S/L?:) .§ カレブ says: damn. is this a bot? what's 5+1-2? nataliacopogyd@hotmail.com says: hey whats up babe, U got a webcam? finally someone adds me, I am soo fuckin horny today for some reason lol
system: nataliacopogyd@hotmail.com has been blocked system: nataliacopogyd@hotmail.com has been deleted
I know my phone has 8gb but walkman is still pretty useless. Battery technology hasn't quite changed in the past years. And issues with the playlists. It's a pain syncing my mp3 player to 3 computers already.
And so I finally removed the 'walkman' bar on top. (I didn't crash my phone this time)
Oh what was I thinking/did I want to say? I'm switching off. Tired.
So much abstract concepts and foreign readings. I just hate to loiter in the world of intangibles. What's so interesting about a smoking pipe? Or a fountain? Do we have to delve so deeply into it? Sometimes I just feel that all the pieces (writings, arts) are just whimsical and random. Why think so hard? Some things just don't mean anything! (it might, it might not)
I wonder if. I wonder why. Okay let's put it this way. Events are repeating. Or rather, they seem to. And if they do, I need to act fast because I'm living in one of the alternate endings at the moment. Also to complicate things there're a few more forks in the road now.
I still firmly believe that boys should be given the 'boys don't cry!' treatment when they are young. I'd rather my son grow up to be a man of little words than one that's very chatty, expressive and somewhat effeminate.
