She's not dead. Just asleep.



You know. I could spend my life debating it and still come to nothing. The living dies alone anyway.




Sometimes I wish I can breathe a sigh of relief.

I woke up today and something was very wrong. I can only see hues of grey.

Look man. I have one long line running around my calf and I don't even know why. Was I trying to kill myself? Why the hell would I cut my calf anyway?


I cannot remember what I've done. I'm so bad - if you were to take a look at my phone you'd realize how bad it is. I jot every single thing I needed to do each day down into the calendar. (For instance, today: 1830 withdraw cash, 2000 do something you really like, 1835 get a exercise band, 0645 wear contact lenses, 0647 remember to wax and hide your fringe, 2300 Mix music, continue from 1hr31min, 2100 find books that are interesting --- and the list goes on!)


That day I saw a girl who looked at me with the strangest yet most familiar gaze. I could tell that she like me, very very much, and I do, too. However the presence of her companion.. well.. pushed me away.

Frantically I dug up my old phone. It's not exactly functional, having been dropped into water before. In my archives folder on my phone I see saved text messages. But there's no name tagged to the number. I tried calling but it's a dead line. I called up the operators and they simply refused to help me; issues with confidentiality and all. I cannot remember who I dated.

Scrolled through my calendar. It says, 'Get her flowers.' 'Dinner with her parents. 7.15pm' But who? Did I wake up in the middle of the night and noted these down? Did someone meddled with my phone? What happened? Did she call me last week? I can't remember. She should call me right? If we were dating? I don't know. Maybe she would call soon.


I cannot remember who I had lunch with, what I did the day before but I can remember some things - I know what I want to do. However there's a huge problem - because I planned for two.


I think some day I may remember, in time I will if I don't try and if I focus on the positive.

I'm stuck. I don't know how to rearrange my wardrobe. I'm there wide-eyed and plain confused.

In terms of color intensity, light grey comes before black right? Then where does dark blue go? Before or after light grey?

Does a dark green + white stripe shirt come before a plain green shirt or after?


how? How how??


One of my OCDish traits.

It was an unfamiliar room he woke up in.

A sense of bliss washed over him as he smiled with a look of remembrance. Instinctively he turned over and reached across but her side of the bed was cold.

Last night she was showing him round her backyard.




His eyes widened and suddenly he didn't seem too sure of himself.

Good luck to whoever's reviewing my conditions. Thanks doc!

A worm looks up and see the face of god! But look around.. it's a regular convention of worms in here. They all had mothers, fathers, people who loved them. They got married, fucked their wives. What makes you think you're any different? I haven't chosen a spot for you on the wall yet. Let me know if you have a preference.

Yup. Went to ikea tampines. Got these.

Gotta love free parking, big trolleys, big elevators and many parking lots.




This chair is meant for fat people lah. I sit still got clearance. Alot!

Yea so. An NSF was involved in a traffic accident. Quite bad. I mean if civilians call, ex-regulars call, our rider (a fren, who witnessed it says he's pretty much mangled.) call; to inform and even my uncle saw it (noticed) on the road.

He was resuscitated at A&E and is now in ICU. Though he's just another name on my screen I really do hope he pulls through and recovers fully.


No NSF should ever die in this course of stupid service.

I want to be less judgmental and less critical of people.

Deeds and people that I would never have thought could coexist.



Anyway my msn is ultra buggy. I can't sign in most of the time. And when I do the contact list scrambles itself up.


Look at the numbers in the groups.

I'm realizing there are more and more fathers around me.


And people recognize me. Strangers. People I've not noticed in camp.

Coming up to me and saying
"Hey. I saw you at cityhall the other day lugging a TV. -gesticulates, a box.-"
"Oh yea. My LCD. Got it at sls. It's cheaper than sitex."





Interesting.

Pretty distracted these days and I don't know why. So what I'm publishing now are actually drafts I've saved long ago.




My graphics card hit 84degC while playing halflife2 episode2 with max settings; reflections, anisotropic, antialiasing, max details, max everything. But that's not as high as it was rumored to be able to hit.



Motion blur check.


Smoke check.


Reflection (the gloves and the pistol grip) check.


Water (glob) check.

I got this fan a few days ago. It boasts 78 cubic ft of air per minute (CFM). Regular fans come under 20-50CFM. (Partially due of the size - norm fans are <=8cm in length. This is 12cm.) Had to add on because my graphics card is about 62C at idling temperature. Some claim it goes up to 100C with intense graphics. Haven't hit that high. Only about 70. Pretty unnerving because normal cards usually don't go beyond 60.


I guess it's really working because the com isn't even 100hrs old and look at the dust.



And cable-tied as promised.

Can't do anything much about the red SATA cables at the bottom. They aren't really flexible.


And how it looks like in the day with the translucent plastic sheets still pasted on.


Lights.

Suddenly I find myself having a driving phobia. I wonder why. You know, 不祥的预感.



Anyway I need a swivel chair! Broke the last one.

世事难料
如果真的喜欢
就要勇敢在一起
要不然你会很后悔
你会很后悔很后悔

后悔莫及