I find myself unable to transit into zee-land at this unearthly hour.
I actually turned my computer off and there you have it, you start processing all your thoughts just before you go to sleep.
Barely half an hour ago my buddy just sent me a clip off his phone that was recorded when we were in JC1. And it's impressive what technology does in jolting memory neurones.
And I said, "Yea, I can't believe it. It's almost four years."
Four years. Time always flies when you look back, hardly so when you look forward. And that I found to be rather useful. Times like this (being a 20,) really makes me feel like stalling time as long as possible.
Four years ago we were like sixteen turning seventeen. And it was pretty cool. Young. Life was fun. There were no (not much) worries (other than not doing your assignments and getting hollered); well, personally (there weren't any monetary concerns for me, nor were I bothered with academics). Life was goddamn good.
Honestly it still doesn't feel as though I've left JC.
Somehow this conscript service doesn't feel 'real'. Somehow the brain switches off when we are in camp. It's like being schizo. The memories you have in the real world and inside camps are totally mutually exclusive. I know, but it doesn't feel like me. I can never visualize myself as a soldier. Like dude, you're asking me to like fire weapons and don that ugly uniform?
I still feel 17/18ish. (must be young at heart, ha!) I am so ready to just put on the blue uniform and go to school. Folding and rolling the judogi up. Having a huge bag that contains everything (minus the pencil case) other than school work. Fresh towel, judo pants, water bottle, PE shirt and shorts. Tucking it under my arm and going to school just like that. Enjoying a rather unusual form of respect/stare/recognition when you walk around, appearing as though you were looking for a fight. Signing out for the classroom key. Sleeping in class. Waiting for school to end.
Oh man. 20 years old. When you were 5 or perhaps 14, a 20 year old looks. so old. Like god, 20? 大人? I think it's highly possible that 4 years in the other direction we'll find ourselves being fathers and mothers. And that, is something I would not possibly understand until, well.
It's true that 20 isn't that much of a big deal. It's just another number. I still feel that there's a need to just grow up faster especially so when you know people in persons in their forties and even sixties behaving like kids. It's just scary and sometimes it feels so wrong. No one seems to be behaving their ages now that you about it. There you have it, teens and young adults who are so mature and old folks who are so childish (mind you, not child-like but childish). I don't know.
It's sort of comforting in a strange way to just think about all these.
It's 2.30 now (thanks to my com which has been restarting very often as I'm typing all these) but I still don't think I can sleep.
I actually turned my computer off and there you have it, you start processing all your thoughts just before you go to sleep.
Barely half an hour ago my buddy just sent me a clip off his phone that was recorded when we were in JC1. And it's impressive what technology does in jolting memory neurones.
And I said, "Yea, I can't believe it. It's almost four years."
Four years. Time always flies when you look back, hardly so when you look forward. And that I found to be rather useful. Times like this (being a 20,) really makes me feel like stalling time as long as possible.
Four years ago we were like sixteen turning seventeen. And it was pretty cool. Young. Life was fun. There were no (not much) worries (other than not doing your assignments and getting hollered); well, personally (there weren't any monetary concerns for me, nor were I bothered with academics). Life was goddamn good.
Honestly it still doesn't feel as though I've left JC.
Somehow this conscript service doesn't feel 'real'. Somehow the brain switches off when we are in camp. It's like being schizo. The memories you have in the real world and inside camps are totally mutually exclusive. I know, but it doesn't feel like me. I can never visualize myself as a soldier. Like dude, you're asking me to like fire weapons and don that ugly uniform?
I still feel 17/18ish. (must be young at heart, ha!) I am so ready to just put on the blue uniform and go to school. Folding and rolling the judogi up. Having a huge bag that contains everything (minus the pencil case) other than school work. Fresh towel, judo pants, water bottle, PE shirt and shorts. Tucking it under my arm and going to school just like that. Enjoying a rather unusual form of respect/stare/recognition when you walk around, appearing as though you were looking for a fight. Signing out for the classroom key. Sleeping in class. Waiting for school to end.
Oh man. 20 years old. When you were 5 or perhaps 14, a 20 year old looks. so old. Like god, 20? 大人? I think it's highly possible that 4 years in the other direction we'll find ourselves being fathers and mothers. And that, is something I would not possibly understand until, well.
It's true that 20 isn't that much of a big deal. It's just another number. I still feel that there's a need to just grow up faster especially so when you know people in persons in their forties and even sixties behaving like kids. It's just scary and sometimes it feels so wrong. No one seems to be behaving their ages now that you about it. There you have it, teens and young adults who are so mature and old folks who are so childish (mind you, not child-like but childish). I don't know.
It's sort of comforting in a strange way to just think about all these.
It's 2.30 now (thanks to my com which has been restarting very often as I'm typing all these) but I still don't think I can sleep.
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