Was at the cookhouse at like 5 today. And there's a beagle pupp. The malay auntie was extremely fearful so I had to bring the dog away. Didn't have to touch it. It's pretty friendly though. It would follow you and circle you. Too bad I didn't have spare food to offer.


It's funny how a single (and first) duty(, since like two months?) can trigger that many thoughts. I thought of the limping puppy at tekong. It's been close to one a half years. Hopefully and probably it could survive since people are generally kind over there and there's a huge surplus of food.


Walking by the boundary of the kennels. The smell. I suddenly remembered back then when my buddy and I were prowling when we were trainees last july. We would tiptoe around the kennels and try really hard not to wake the dogs. But we failed. Badly. And when that happens my buddy would be talking loudly/singing 'Who let the dogs out'. haha. Dogs do get tired though. They pretty much won't stir at 4am - that's what we found out.


I also recall being impressed when I visited the istana when I was a kid. Impressed by the guards standing really still at either columns of the entrance, not fidgeting, not even blinking. I wasn't the only one. In fact there was a mini crowd behind each guy trying to catch them fidgeting or moving their fingers just a bit. That didn't happen.

Wasn't too impressed when I came to this unit though. Everyone does that. Standing parades are a common staple (not a punishment. Time flies seriously. And there are just so many things to think of. I would like to call it standing meditation. =D).
[FYI all the guards in istana come from my unit.]


And last morning. I was pretty amazed(?), bemused(?) when I realized that a friend that I've been talking to for coming to a year is actually a father. Wow.

(I think I'm slow. hahaha)


Oh yea. I'm on off and I'm going to sitex later with my buddy.

He became easily confused. He drifted off in conversations. He seemed disengaged. He was diagnosed with alzheimer's, but he remained cheerful and positive.

It breaks my heart to hear his gentle voice making plans that will never happen, but when I think that if he is happy living in an imaginary world with his beloved wife, perhaps memory loss isn't such a bad thing.

A knight falls off the horseback and gets impaled by his own lance.




A swimmer dies in the pool.

An athlete trips over a hurdle and falls into a coma.


A racer survives a car crash but kills his girlfriend.

my knee hurts and its getting worse. braces seem to make things worse. i don't want to jog anymore.

it's funny that things get worse the moment you take note of them.

Last piece of MSI NX8800GT T2D512E
I think singaporeans are crazy. Honestly it's not cheap and it's sold out almost immediately. Just like the other time I wanted to buy akira G25 steering wheel with pedals + clutch. (that costs $500 and it was sold out)




8 channel surround sound. I would probably get surround speakers next weekend at sitex. Also looking at two DVI ports. It looks like I will be getting new LCD(s) too.



intel core2 duo 6550 with mean cooling fins and circu-pipes on MSI P35 platinum mainboard.


antec power supply unit 650W with sleeved power cables


2x ultrathin SATA2 seagate 250GB hard disks.


coolmaster partial see-thru casing.
Yes, it's very messy right now but I'll cable tie them nicely when I have the time to.


------------------------------------------
2X seagate SATA2 250GB HDD + 2X kingston PC800 1GB ram - $306
P35 platinum MSI mainboard + intel c2d 6550 - $588
MSI NX8800GT T2D512E gfx card - $419
Antec 650watt PSU - $236
cooler master afx T05 - $75
LG 20x DVD writer - $55

------------------------------------------
And thank you for this.

razer tarantula keyboard - $165



Current total = $1844

I'm looking out for these, probably getting some at sitex next weekend:

Estimated costs
LCD(s) = __ * $400-500
8 channel surround speakers = $300-600
mouse = $100
printer = $200
akira g25 steering, pedals + clutch = $500
computer table = $200

Good friends convince you that pirated stuff is good.

--------------------------------------------------

(1:43 PM) A: my box only cost me 1.2k
(1:43 PM) カレブ : i plan something like ..
(1:43 PM) カレブ : 2X250GB SATA-II HDD 2X$100
geforce 8800GT 512MB $400
2x1GB RAM 2X$60
CPU case $150
processor $300
PSU $200
DVD writer $65
Fans $20
mobo $?
________ $?
(1:44 PM) A: PSU got so ex ah
(1:44 PM) A: ________ pirated one will do la
(1:44 PM) カレブ : oh. thats a CAP for me
(1:44 PM) A: wat is mobo
(1:44 PM) カレブ : motherboard
(1:44 PM) A: anyway get 320 gb HDD la.. y 250
(1:44 PM) カレブ : why 320 sia
(1:44 PM) カレブ : why not 400 or anything else
(1:44 PM) カレブ : reason?
(1:44 PM) A: 250 enuff meh
(1:44 PM) カレブ : 2 X 250 leh
(1:44 PM) A: aiyo u can get any size u wan
(1:44 PM) カレブ : 2 X 320?
(1:45 PM) A: u know my com not got 1TB
(1:45 PM) A: now*
(1:45 PM) カレブ : hmm
(1:45 PM) A: whahaha
(1:45 PM) カレブ : i dont have as much porn as you
(1:45 PM) A: i got 2 internal and 1 external
(1:45 PM) A: wat porn
(1:45 PM) A: i got alot games and softwares wat
(1:45 PM) A: my psp games occupy alot
(1:45 PM) A: haha
(1:45 PM) カレブ : ________ now damn cheap i think
(1:45 PM) カレブ : around 50?
(1:45 PM) カレブ : ive been using pirated
(1:45 PM) カレブ : then updates and stuff abit mafan
(1:46 PM) A: no have so cheap la
(1:46 PM) A: maybe 100+ i think
(1:46 PM) カレブ : still so exp
(1:46 PM) A: pirated one will do
(1:46 PM) A: and dun ever get v________
(1:46 PM) カレブ : mmhm ok
(1:46 PM) A: it is slow slow slow
(1:46 PM) カレブ : ya not planning to
(1:47 PM) A: nowadays all laptop come with v________ =.=
(1:47 PM) A: i see my frenz they all the laptop load so slow
(1:47 PM) カレブ : i heard bad things
(1:47 PM) カレブ : and i dont like learning curve
(1:47 PM) カレブ : when i get new com
(1:47 PM) カレブ : i'll be downloading and installing alot of shit
(1:47 PM) A: haha
(1:47 PM) カレブ : if v________
(1:47 PM) カレブ : still must figure out things
(1:47 PM) カレブ : wacao
(1:47 PM) カレブ : you got so much porn
(1:47 PM) カレブ : 1TB?
(1:47 PM) カレブ : store what sai
(1:48 PM) カレブ : why not burn unused into DVDs
(1:48 PM) A: i no have videos la.. alamak
(1:48 PM) A: those videos i have is like heroes
(1:48 PM) A: or chinese drama
(1:48 PM) A: mostly is games
(1:48 PM) A: and softwares
(1:48 PM) A: and songs



--------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer: The above conversation is purely fictional; the author bears no responsibility for the above content - everyone has always been using authentic genuine operating systems.

It's extremely disturbing to read the blogs of some people I'd thought to be extremely sane, logical, mature, knowing.


oh my..... ..



Anyway. I think the damage done to my left hand wasn't merely due to judo. I remembered mercury poisoning when I was a kid.

Drinking (water) is a problem. I never realized how much of a head-tilting motion is required to drink water from jugs, bottles, cups, wherever.

Well, there are always solutions.

But I quite dislike alternatives. Alternatives to short sightedness. Alternatives to this and that.



Anyway that was embarrassing. Haha.

Oh this is bad. I can't seem to skate anymore. My balance is very very very bad. Simply by tilting my head backwards and down, everything around me would just spin out.


With damaged wrist and knee I don't think I can play judo (with a peace of mind) either.


There must be a way around these.

Funny. Since it's so urgent why can't they just call?

This is bad. I guess anything is bad when the camp MO gives you MC to go home.

Red eye red eye red eye.

Now viral infection of nerves in ear (that's what he claims).

Vertigo. Basically the world spins around me, very literally.

I can't get out of bed once I lie flat. I have the strength to, but everything keeps spinning and I can only alleviate it by collapsing back onto bed (almost automatically). In fact, it's extremely disorientating and unpleasant to transit from lying down to getting up, upright, and vice versa.

My eyes dart in different directions at random intervals and it's a rather stomach-churning feeling.

It being a viral infection is a bitch. It means antibiotics are useless and I'm on my own. (This has got to be a lousy week - that's how long it's supposed to take)


I don't see myself being able to get up to the computer but I guess I can text and talk normally in bed.

I find myself unable to transit into zee-land at this unearthly hour.

I actually turned my computer off and there you have it, you start processing all your thoughts just before you go to sleep.



Barely half an hour ago my buddy just sent me a clip off his phone that was recorded when we were in JC1. And it's impressive what technology does in jolting memory neurones.

And I said, "Yea, I can't believe it. It's almost four years."



Four years. Time always flies when you look back, hardly so when you look forward. And that I found to be rather useful. Times like this (being a 20,) really makes me feel like stalling time as long as possible.

Four years ago we were like sixteen turning seventeen. And it was pretty cool. Young. Life was fun. There were no (not much) worries (other than not doing your assignments and getting hollered); well, personally (there weren't any monetary concerns for me, nor were I bothered with academics). Life was goddamn good.



Honestly it still doesn't feel as though I've left JC.

Somehow this conscript service doesn't feel 'real'. Somehow the brain switches off when we are in camp. It's like being schizo. The memories you have in the real world and inside camps are totally mutually exclusive. I know, but it doesn't feel like me. I can never visualize myself as a soldier. Like dude, you're asking me to like fire weapons and don that ugly uniform?

I still feel 17/18ish. (must be young at heart, ha!) I am so ready to just put on the blue uniform and go to school. Folding and rolling the judogi up. Having a huge bag that contains everything (minus the pencil case) other than school work. Fresh towel, judo pants, water bottle, PE shirt and shorts. Tucking it under my arm and going to school just like that. Enjoying a rather unusual form of respect/stare/recognition when you walk around, appearing as though you were looking for a fight. Signing out for the classroom key. Sleeping in class. Waiting for school to end.



Oh man. 20 years old. When you were 5 or perhaps 14, a 20 year old looks. so old. Like god, 20? 大人? I think it's highly possible that 4 years in the other direction we'll find ourselves being fathers and mothers. And that, is something I would not possibly understand until, well.



It's true that 20 isn't that much of a big deal. It's just another number. I still feel that there's a need to just grow up faster especially so when you know people in persons in their forties and even sixties behaving like kids. It's just scary and sometimes it feels so wrong. No one seems to be behaving their ages now that you about it. There you have it, teens and young adults who are so mature and old folks who are so childish (mind you, not child-like but childish). I don't know.





It's sort of comforting in a strange way to just think about all these.



It's 2.30 now (thanks to my com which has been restarting very often as I'm typing all these) but I still don't think I can sleep.

pbn 879540016512.
0.+96
98
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\10:34 PM 11/13/200710:34 PM 11/13/200777[p-0=p-]=\-\]
\=[p-09p-=098p-=\09-0890-987io98088ui78u6y56y7y7u6789-t4566543532421345jyu6gtrqwe12`qq121`Za bbn?.? a ` 1`Aaq 2 CFF------==------=8710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/200710:36 PM 11/13/20077/*+/88*9+*9546




Oh. I was cleaning my keyboard.


I'm kinda amazed by how my toes stand up to all the stubbing. I stubbed my little toe (right) twice today. I walk around my house pretty fast. And when turning too. And that's where the accidents happen.

In judo. Often your training partner tends to step on your toes. And it's pretty annoying/dumb. Your partner lifts you up, and when you brace yourself for a fall, he steps on your toe, stops and apologize.

When fighting you pack less of a kick. Pressure=force/area. With a large feet you need more force for the same amount of pain you can give with a smaller one. And you are more likely to snap your foot than dislocate jaws.

Ice breakers. You know those games whereby they make as many people as possible squeeze together in a limited number of squares. Man. Whoever has got me on their team will lose.


It a pain to have overly long feet. It's hard to get shoes. It's harder to get shoes that fit.


I really can't think of anything good about it.



Oh. It's easier to heel-toe (a technique whereby you operate the brake and the gas at the same time with your right foot) when driving.

(But you don't really save petrol with a naturally heavy foot.)

Not interested. Can't be bothered. Stupid.


I had always suspected what schools taught were some mumbo jumbo shit all along.


http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/11/11/AR2007111101066.html
Click on the link. You'd realized that all of the genetics stuff they taught in JC was wrong. oh my. And we are certainly not the first batch. Perhaps the 30th?


I mean like, what the fuck? Can you actually see electrons and orbitals and some genes and crap like that?

It's pretty much as good as saying bone is made up of one part fire one part water and two parts earth.

"What do you want?"

"Lamb chops."

"That would be ten forty please."

I'm going to stab you, stab you with my black pen, puncture your lungs, your stomach, your thighs, run my rusty file across your neck, bite you, and make you bleed with a thousand bites, lapping your rancid blood. I am so going to keep you alive.


Life is good and wondrous, if, and only if,


I am jealous, red, with jealousy. You are everything, my ass. I love you, as much as I hate you. If you understand, blink thrice. She blinked. Twice.




You are going to pay an exorbitant price for this, and you can't pay for it in cash. So breathe. And breathe.


Now, take this green pen and push it through me. As slow as you can. Give a twist. A yank. A dash of lemon helps, you know. You know I'd love it. I want pain. I want misery. Love, me. Make love to me. I know you love it too.


The ferrous smell. Drink my blood. I'll drink your sweet nectar. She could not stop moaning.




Look into my wide-opened eyes. You can tell I am desperate. Desperate for help.


Please help me. I need help. Badly. Help. In exchange, you can have my body. You can have my soul.



You can help me, right?




You'll go mad, pretending to be mad.





Yea.

Make believe and hold you near
I don't know what to think
I fear
Won't you tell me what you're doing here?

I could use a bit of grace
and I could use a smiling face
So won't you tell me why we're in this place?

I'll come through the door tonight
and I'll be faced with another fight
won't you tell me when we'll get it right?

It may be better that I walk away
I'd rather not be wasting another day
Won't you tell me what could make me stay?

I'm so tired of angry tones, feels as if we're too far gone, I just
want to make this place our home.

Whatever your answer may be,
come and tell me in person.

You can find me here,
where they buried me





here.

hi, how are you i'm pretty fine
blah blah blah blah blah blah

my, i never thought of seeing you here
i'm really glad to meet you darling
where did we lose it, will you call?

all we ever say
is blah blah blah blah blah
we feel safe
with blah blah blah blah blah

no one's hurt
no one's weird
so all we ever say
is blah blah blah blah blah

don't try to reach me, i am numb
and i don't want to look inside you
so let's just talk about the times
like normal people do!

Beautiful are the things you cannot buy.

It's easy to know, hard to understand.



Though I wouldn't really call myself materialistic (I don't think I've got any designer stuff, at all), I still think it's good that I'm coming to.

The words. They make no sense. I'm going mad. Very mad.

It's like clocking the best lap ever in your entire life. And your car spins out in the final lap. Logically you should get back to the track and give it your best shot.

But my style isn't so. I quit. I prefer to. But I can't.

I've lost my voice screaming and bruised my knuckles punching the wall.

I'm going mad. Nothing meant so much to me before.


I finally know why people kill themselves.

It seems that history is likely to repeat itself.

I guess one cannot get away with everything and a day may come when he has to pay a price - especially when you've grown up now, so take it like a man.

false [fawls]
adjective, fals·er, fals·est, adverb

–adjective
1. not true or correct; erroneous
2. not genuine; counterfeit.
3. based on mistaken, erroneous, or inconsistent impressions, ideas, or facts: They draw false strength from looking back.

[Chorus 2x: Ludacris]

Move bitch, get out the way
Get out the way bitch, get out the way
Move bitch, get out the way
Get out the way bitch, get out the way

[Ludacris]
OH NO! The fight's out
I'ma 'bout to punch yo...lights out
Get the FUCK back, guard ya grill
There's somethin' wrong, we can't stay still
I've been drankin' and bustin' two
and I been thankin' of bustin' you
Upside ya motherfuckin' forehead
And if your friends jump in, "Ohhh gurrlll", they'll be mo' dead
Causin' confusion, Disturbin Tha Peace
It's not an illusion, we runnin the streets
So bye-bye to all you groupies and golddiggers
Is there a bumper on your ass? NO NIGGA!
I'm doin' a hundred on the highway
So if you do the speed limit, get the FUCK outta my way
I'm D.U.I., hardly ever caught sober
and you about to get ran the FUCK over

[Chorus]

[Mystikal over second chorus]
BITCH! Watch out, watch out, watch out
BITCH! Watch out, watch out, watch out, move

Here I come, here I go
UH OH! Don't jump bitch, move
You see them headlights? You hear that fuckin' crowd?
Start that goddamn show, I'm comin' through
Hit the stage and knock the curtains down
I fuck the crowd up - that's what I do
Young and successful - a sex symbol
The bitches want me to fuck - true true
Hold up wait up, shorty
"Oh wazzzupp, get my dick sucked, what are yoouu doin'?"
Sidelinin' my fuckin' bussiness
Tryin' to get my baby child support soon
Give me that truck and take that rental back
Who bought these fuckin' T.V.'s and jewelry bitch, tell me that?
No, I ain't bitter, I don't give a fuck
But i'ma tell you like this bitch
You better not walk in front of my tour bus

[Chorus]

[I-20 over second chorus]
Bring it, get 'em

Too bad I'm on the right track
Beef, got the right mack
Hit the trunk, grab the pump pump, I'll be right back
We buyin' bars out, showin' scars out
We heard there's hoes out, so we brought the cars out
Grab the pills cuz we poppin tonight,
Beat the shit outta security for stoppin' tha fight
I got a fifth of the remy, fuck the Belve and 'cris
I'm sellin' shit up in the club like I work in the bitch
Fuck the dress codes, it's street clothes, we all street niggaz
We on the dance floor, throwin' bows, beatin' up niggaz
I'm from the D.E.C., tryin' to disrespect D.T.P.
And watch the bottles start flyin' from the V.I.P.
Fuck this rap shit, we clap bitch, two in your body
Grab ya four, start a fight dog, ruin the party
So move bitch, get out the way hoe
All you faggot motherfuckers make way for 2-0
So...

[Chorus]