They say, if you can't get the best, then settle for the worst. Make sure it's nothing in between - otherwise that would be a stupid waste of effort.


However it seems that there are certain lessons in life we must learn, and they will surface again and again until you learn them.


It seems that almost everything thing I do revolves around this particular 'cycle'. There is no definite duration between the stages though.
1) Starting out mighty fine
2) Feeling lazy
3) Choosing the easiest way out
4) End up with nothing.


It happened while I was schooling. It happened again now that I'm in conscript service. And I realized it happened many many many times through the days I've lived.


Anyway some have heard of my feat. That of downgrading. And everything was perfect. I was granted immunity from loads of activities. Honestly it felt special. Special in a crazy/stupid way. Until I got revocated. I'm not sure if it's a sense of loss (of identity) or was it uncertainty. Somehow I felt really uncomfortable. I realized I'm actually unafraid of duties. I'm also not too bothered about physical activities either.


So what exactly am I running away from?

You know what. I don't care why I like to run away from things.

But for now. There's only one way to do things.


For now, I'm going to upgrade my medical status grade. Taking the first step; and in the right direction finally. And I just can't wait life to unfold itself.


It's funny why I'm doing all this. I guess I was right about change having to come from within. Though you can't get someone to change you; you can change yourself, for someone else.




Unfortunately not all things are reversible. Very unfortunate.


But I guess it's fortunate enough to learn of mistakes and learn from mistakes. Even if it means growing up just a little.






[I think I just got a sign. I'm listening to random songs as I type this. I just heard 'nigeru tame ja naku yume ou tame ni'. That means, 'in order to chase our dreams, we can't give ourselves reasons to run away'.]