There I was, sitting in front of the other desk, wondering why am I so disorientated.

I blank out the moment my computer is off. What am I to do now? Why am I unable to sit still, read a book or do something useful? I'm not a computer addict. I can survive without computer. I don't think about my computer when I'm out with friends. Or at my workplace with my fellow slaves. And I don't play games. There are only 3 things I do online. Chat. Forum. Find quirky news.

So I figured. And as I much as I hate to admit this - I must be terribly afraid of being lonely.

So what exactly is being lonely? Sometimes you are all alone and you love every single bit of it. And yet you can be there on the sofa with your girlfriend in your arms and you still feel that things aren't right. Yes, of course you love her, but you still don't feel complete.

I confess that I deliberately run away from relationships. I need to overcome the assumption that it is less painful to run away than to face possible rejectons. Running away from life. Regrets. I think it's too late for it now.

I'm not saying we should try to find a quick fix though. Like I've said to quite a few friends, those in clubs aren't the kind of guys/girls you would bring home to your mothers. Good things come to those that are patient. Nothing happens to those who do nothing though.

Since I'm travelling light now (alone), I think I should try to make the best out of it. Do things you can never do when you are bagged down. Just imagine.

I hope that by holding out just that bit longer, there will be a miracle.



Now I have to put things into action.