It's one of those nights again.

My hand placed across my heart, near the neck. I feel very very vulnerable. My folks used to tell me that I've been screaming in the middle of the night. Eyes wide open. Petrified literally. And hell breaks loose from my mouth.


There's this feeling of disproportional representation of body parts. Distorted sense of space. I felt extremely tiny. Felt like my entire body was contained within a cell in another body. I don't even know the rest of the body. A single thought felt like a giant block of line running in a square on a steamroller. Everything feels squarish. Feels like I'm looking through eyes of tens of thousands of people with a single brain cell. Like having your memory wiped in the midst of a freefall. I was sinking into the back of my head. Sinking into the pillow. Being asleep and wide awake. I feel nauseous when I close my eyes. Things making no sense. It's like having died and not being able to die again.

Losing my consciousness seems like watching a square TV with static lines spiralling down a void. Getting smaller and smaller.


Then there's this sudden urge to laugh hysterically. But the thought of wanting to think that way freaks me out badly. Real badly.


Words can't really describe exactly what I'm feeling and I'm feeling really sick. Really sick. Waiting for dawn to break. I want to rest. A good rest. Like now. If only someone or something can save me.