[I plonked out yesterday and here I am trying to continue typing but it seems that I've lost my train of thought. I'll publish this entry anyway.]


I think I'm a sore loser. Always bitter. Been thinking along the line of 'life was much better then' you see.


When I was a kid, all I bothered was getting my toys and watching my cartoons. And I would get them. Nothing else mattered. I have no idea how days passed. How could I even live life like that?


And I was still schooling not too long ago. Other than having to wake up early, life was good. Have fun in school. Sleep in lessons. Hang out after school. Hate myself for being lazy. Start revision the night/day before each paper. Late for exams. Rinse and repeat.


I remember lobo-ing around few months ago. Complaining of loneliness. Missing mates who enlisted much earlier than me. Then came April. And the whole fucking world changed. I think life was better as a trainee (get what I mean, here I am comparing the past and now yet again). Definitely, there's the huge lack of freedom. But at least you get to do something new everyday. Learn something new everyday. Refreshing break from everyday life.


Right now it's office work. Doing errands for officers. Wash mugs. Make coffee. Photocopy. Fax. Send their uniforms for alteration. Collect documents. Ring people up. I was thinking that all these were crap (well actually they are), but come think of it, I did learn and experience things. What are the odds of getting this very appointment I'm holding, which subscribes you to classified information? Interesting things I must say.

Only today did it dawn on me that I was actually interacting with different personalities of mine in the office. Let's just name them so.

A is in his thirties and is a bachelor. He has a say in almost everything, and he must have a say. He is a nice person, caring for his workers, giving treats every now and then, interacts often with subordinates.

B is married, has foul temper and is unable to hold a conversation for more than 10 seconds with his subordinates. He likes to bootlick superiors.

C talks non-stop. He believes he is popular with the rest. He is rather bitchy and extremely egoistic. On the contrary he seems rather sensitive.

D is the perfect subordinate. Always serious. Weird humor that kicks in at the worst timing, always. Work takes highest priority in life.

E is the dreamer. He dreams of being rich one day. Nice person on the whole.

F and G are both good with computers. Somewhat distant people yet not. They are somewhat like me.

H is a nice superior who knows how to play his cards right. Treats subordinates well because he knows that without us, nothing in the office will be done. Swears 'heartily' - to be taken with a pinch of salt.

I is always broke. Smokes. Borrowing money always. An average chap.

J is one who always go by the book, the only thing that I find irritating. On the whole, polite, nice person.

K is the rich kid. Or seemingly rich. Egoistic and seems scheming. An okay acquaintance.

Reflections of common personas eh? Now I'm much more conscious of myself. How much I can change myself I do not know, but have my word, I will.


70 weeks to go and here I am, figuring out how, can I become a better person. And also, what good does it do? Also, there must be something to look forward to, something unique to look forward to(this excludes jokes and random hilarous incidents with other colleages-that's commonplace!).

I know I need a change. Since. Ages ago. I know how, too. BUt Just a matter of doing it. Convincing myself. Having some discipline. Life would be much more wonderful.