Thoughts. What's new.
Half naked, bathing in the LCD light, pillow-wielding, me. I find comfort sitting in the dark.
It has been yet another week. Of life, of work, of thoughts. I've not changed, nothing dramatic happened.
(I was thinking of so many things just now while I was lying on my bed coughing away and now I can't seem to think of things.)
I wonder if I did the wrong thing. I don't really like the idea that I'm selling my life(time) for some money. But what else would I, or could I do? Perhaps this is, the best option of the few choices in hand. I told mum I would foot the driving lessons/practicals, and her, the car(haha). It's not that cheap to learn, for your info, it's about 3k to 4k.
I live in constant fear of getting sacked. Reason being, I'm in a sense too effective. I finish my job in about 2 to 4 hours in an average day when we are supposed to finish them in 9 hours. Maybe they would think I was skiving, and that I filled up the survey questions myself without going to the shops, being able to clear so fast. And also, today was like one of the fastest day, but the problem is that, a handful of shops are closed, so I can't do much about them. then again, getting sacked isn't that bad. Maybe bad testimony later when your future employer calls up the ex. Paranoia, of mine.
Contemplating. Wondering about the future. Feels very bleak. How cliche. Can't even be sure if I can live till tomorrow and here I am worrying about 50 years down the road. I have yet to look up the courses offered by local Us and polys. Even right now, when I'm working for only about 4 hours a day, and given MSN and the internet, I feel terrible. What a lonely job for a loner. Um. I don't suppose you can talk to collegues much during working hours, but I guess you could eye them and talk a little rubbish when the manager isn't around. I don't know. I think I pissed off one collegue, I don't like 2, one's a schoolmate, so, that gives me like 4 acquaintances out of 8. And we don't even talk. Only like, for 30 minutes a week during meeting. It's getting boring. Day in, day out, looking at blocks of flats. Getting dejavu all over. Wondering if you've seen this place, that place, or were you here when you were young or perhaps you've done this place already. Faces, so many of them, heartlanders and all. As I recall this, I feel like vomitting. Everything's swirling in. What headache. Home. Dinner, sleep a little, game a little, blog alot, then planning your exact route for tomorrow(that's one of my secret to cover my area fast). Wake. Game a little. Off to work. Repeat. Look forward to the weekends, when I can sleep peacefully, no planning for tonight, buddies booking out. I was rather against the whole monday blues crap. It's not that crap when you are working. It's really unappealing. I guess I couldn't feel the monday blues thing when I was schooling coz I don't do homework. There's nothing to hand up. Tests, not bothered. Exams either. Everyday feels like the other.
So young, yet many regrets. Few things that I am proud of, nothing much to look forward to.
(God's mocking. I'm on party shuffle mode on iTunes. Current song: Yuki kajiura - To Nowhere. Here's the lyrics anyway.)
-----------------------------------------------------------
Can you hear the calling of the raving wind and water?
We just keep dreaming of the land 'cross the river
We are always on the way to find the place we belong
Wandering to no where, we're paddling
Down the raging sea
Who can cross over such raving wind and water?
On the rolling boat we sit, shivering with coldness
Come by an island, come by a hillock,
It's just another place, we paddle on down the raging sea
But in the morning we'll see the sun
Bright shining morning dew singing
They who will search will find the land
of evergreen
Can you hear the calling of the raving wind and water?
We just keep paddling down the sea, up the river
No destination, but we are together
In the silent sadness we're paddling
Down the raging sea
Down to no where
-----------------------------------------------------------
I can't continue. My head is in pain. Could be the cough. Could be some major illness, cough being one of the symptom.
----------------
later.
notes:
-friend says happy new year, resolutions
Half naked, bathing in the LCD light, pillow-wielding, me. I find comfort sitting in the dark.
It has been yet another week. Of life, of work, of thoughts. I've not changed, nothing dramatic happened.
(I was thinking of so many things just now while I was lying on my bed coughing away and now I can't seem to think of things.)
I wonder if I did the wrong thing. I don't really like the idea that I'm selling my life(time) for some money. But what else would I, or could I do? Perhaps this is, the best option of the few choices in hand. I told mum I would foot the driving lessons/practicals, and her, the car(haha). It's not that cheap to learn, for your info, it's about 3k to 4k.
I live in constant fear of getting sacked. Reason being, I'm in a sense too effective. I finish my job in about 2 to 4 hours in an average day when we are supposed to finish them in 9 hours. Maybe they would think I was skiving, and that I filled up the survey questions myself without going to the shops, being able to clear so fast. And also, today was like one of the fastest day, but the problem is that, a handful of shops are closed, so I can't do much about them. then again, getting sacked isn't that bad. Maybe bad testimony later when your future employer calls up the ex. Paranoia, of mine.
Contemplating. Wondering about the future. Feels very bleak. How cliche. Can't even be sure if I can live till tomorrow and here I am worrying about 50 years down the road. I have yet to look up the courses offered by local Us and polys. Even right now, when I'm working for only about 4 hours a day, and given MSN and the internet, I feel terrible. What a lonely job for a loner. Um. I don't suppose you can talk to collegues much during working hours, but I guess you could eye them and talk a little rubbish when the manager isn't around. I don't know. I think I pissed off one collegue, I don't like 2, one's a schoolmate, so, that gives me like 4 acquaintances out of 8. And we don't even talk. Only like, for 30 minutes a week during meeting. It's getting boring. Day in, day out, looking at blocks of flats. Getting dejavu all over. Wondering if you've seen this place, that place, or were you here when you were young or perhaps you've done this place already. Faces, so many of them, heartlanders and all. As I recall this, I feel like vomitting. Everything's swirling in. What headache. Home. Dinner, sleep a little, game a little, blog alot, then planning your exact route for tomorrow(that's one of my secret to cover my area fast). Wake. Game a little. Off to work. Repeat. Look forward to the weekends, when I can sleep peacefully, no planning for tonight, buddies booking out. I was rather against the whole monday blues crap. It's not that crap when you are working. It's really unappealing. I guess I couldn't feel the monday blues thing when I was schooling coz I don't do homework. There's nothing to hand up. Tests, not bothered. Exams either. Everyday feels like the other.
So young, yet many regrets. Few things that I am proud of, nothing much to look forward to.
(God's mocking. I'm on party shuffle mode on iTunes. Current song: Yuki kajiura - To Nowhere. Here's the lyrics anyway.)
-----------------------------------------------------------
Can you hear the calling of the raving wind and water?
We just keep dreaming of the land 'cross the river
We are always on the way to find the place we belong
Wandering to no where, we're paddling
Down the raging sea
Who can cross over such raving wind and water?
On the rolling boat we sit, shivering with coldness
Come by an island, come by a hillock,
It's just another place, we paddle on down the raging sea
But in the morning we'll see the sun
Bright shining morning dew singing
They who will search will find the land
of evergreen
Can you hear the calling of the raving wind and water?
We just keep paddling down the sea, up the river
No destination, but we are together
In the silent sadness we're paddling
Down the raging sea
Down to no where
-----------------------------------------------------------
I can't continue. My head is in pain. Could be the cough. Could be some major illness, cough being one of the symptom.
----------------
later.
notes:
-friend says happy new year, resolutions
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