Woke pretty early today (due to the fact that I slept really early, like 7pm or something; duh!). And I�m stoning now. Staring at my desktop and all. The desire for games has somewhat died. Thankful to God / myself. I feel dead. Like meaningless and all.

Maybe I shouldn�t write it here. But hell, what�s there to hide? Okay, every time I find like an eye candy or something, I think I would be subconsciously reminded to work hard. But each time I will find them attached. Such disappointment. Again and again. Time after time. And I believed I did find another one yesterday. But I�m here stoning because I believe, chances are, she�s attached.

And maybe this explains why I don�t bother trying lots of things. It�s usually the case of me trying (not hard enough perhaps) and failing. For THAT matter, for tests, for fights, for lots of things. The mind and the heart are weak. Extremely. It seems to have been subconsciously drilled into me, that everything I try will end up in failure. That explains for the lack of �motivation�. Chozan Shissai, a Japanese swordsman once wrote, �A warrior must only take care that his spirit is never broken.� With a broken spirit, what can I do? Pray that time will go by and I�ll find something somehow? Not possible. In fact, this is one crucial year. I shouldn�t even be thinking of these in the first place. I should be focused. Suzuki said, �The fighter is to be always single-minded with one object in view: to fight, looking neither backward nor sidewise. To go straight forward in order to crush the enemy is all that is necessary for him.� To be focused that is. Focus.

But���