I think I�m facing a serious problem right now.
Problem of self-control. I�ve been playing non-stop since CNY. In fact, I only went out on day one of CNY. The rest of my time was spent online playing away. No laughing matter. I don�t even need to eat. Don�t even need to drink. (And therefore no need to piss or shit.) I�ve not done any work since. I don�t know. Too long ago.
Right now, I think I should do something drastic. Like terminating my Internet 3 years ago. Cost a bomb. Did help; but didn�t last long. Some bank offered a plan with Singnet. I took it. And I�m back. Doing the same stupid things. The same things over and over again. Playing online. Clicking on contacts, looking at their pictures, viewing their profiles. Hunting blogs down. Looking for weird things online. Out of the world things. Funky things.
I can�t possibly terminate my Internet again. It will cost over $2000 for breaking the contract. Starhub is 'more fine' than the old SCV. Yeah, sure, I can unplug my things and all. I can ask my mum to keep my modem. I can pass it to my neighbor. But I know that I�m a bit crazy. Quite crazy in fact. I�ll get it back soon when the urge comes back.
This is serious. Internet addiction! Severe.
I could smash my com. But that�s not being practical either. What if I have a sudden need to like do some project? I can�t possibly buy a new com for every project and smash it soon after?
I think I should leave my modem in school. When there�s work to be done online, schoolwork to be done online, things to be downloaded, will I bring my modem back home. I can leave my modem under my desk. But I don�t quite trust the class. Not in the sense that it�ll be stolen, but rather, it�ll be damaged. Yeah. I know I lock the class. And open the class. But the thing is. This door can be locked and left open, whoever leaves last will close it later. So I don�t know what will happen to my modem.
Haha, in fact, I can visualize myself having no computer. No Internet rather. I�ll be screaming. No, not that soon. I�ll be on the computer, listening to music I have on my computer. Trying to install some single player games. Lol. Trying to host my own Ragnarok server offline. But I don�t have the source codes. (Don�t even think of finding them.) So chances are, I�ll be playing my flight simulators, racing games and shooter games. And getting bored real quickly. No one to talk to. Haha. I�ll be really mad. There�s only the phone. And not everyone replies that fast to sms. Or rather, you can�t just start a conversation with random people via sms. I�ll be focused?
Let�s put all those philosophical stuff aside and get .. practical. Don�t quite like this, but hey, let�s get practical for just ten months? This will affect the rest of your life. Well, the rest of this life at least? You know how bad life can get. You�ve not felt and experience the worst, but you know life isn�t exactly nice. So let�s try to make this hellhole cozy? You�ve only lived for slightly longer than 17 years on this plane of existence and you aren�t exactly happy. So can you work hard, and try to make the best out of whatever you have now? Yes, yes, games, chatting and all are fun. Pleasurable. To put it in a really crude way, (as my friend once said;) �Procrastination is like masturbation, it feels good until you�ve realized that you�ve fucked yourself.� So. What are you doing now? You are still indulging in all your games. Silly games. Grow up. Yeah. I know there�s always this excuse that adults play games too. Personally, I know of grandpas that play Ragnarok and Renewal and other games. Yup. This could be an excuse to play.
But hey, how about, just reverse the timeframe a bit? Xian ku hou tian they say. And that�s what you believe in as well. When you eat, you tend to eat the not so nice things, and eat the nicest at the end. So, shouldn�t you apply that to your life as well?
I�ve been praying and getting more religious. I think God is doing something. The Ragnarok server went down for the whole of this afternoon. Then, it came up in the middle of the night, like a couple of hours ago (midnight). And my character died non-stop. Not really, but it was just bad. And just as I was walking to the in-game church, the game server crashed. Thank you God. =) And now I�m reflecting on all these things. I know that, I can think about all these things, and then my mind goes haywire the next day.
And yeah, since I�m behind time in academic work, and (I�ve got to admit that) I�ve got a stupid attitude-that is, if I can�t do well in something, I don�t do it. It�s either I get it perfect or nothing. So it�s like, in tutorial classes, I can�t do the questions, I get damn turned off. I switch off, and pray that school will be over real fast. I�ll tell myself that I�ll study at home and catch up, and when I reach home, I end up playing games, until about 11pm. That�s when I get tired, and when I get tired, I remember that I�ve yet to do tons of work, I feel slightly guilty/stupid, but alas, that�s too late. I fall asleep.
Yes, yes, right now as I�m typing all this, I am aware that I�ve got my biology tutorial, chemistry tutorial and mathematics assignments all over the room. None of which are done. Overdue. And again, I�m thankful that there isn�t chemistry tutorial class on Mondays. I think I hate chemistry the most. Doesn�t really make sense. Not really tangible or see-able. Everything�s so theoretical. Supposedly this atom moves to that �supposed� atom and this and that. And bang. Everything is in like Lego. Biology. I don�t understand, but I�m not too worried, because I know that they are all facts, facts and nothing to understand. Things just happen this way and that way. Mathematics. It�s like swimming and judo. Or maybe some musical instrument (hey, I�m musically declined. ..if there�s such a term.). You�ve got to practice, not stare and watch. It�s like, you can watch people play the piano and still, you won�t be able to play any pieces unless you�ve tried yourself.
I�m thirsty. I don�t think I should make any more drinks for myself. Okay, maybe something. But I think I should drink plain water. Yup. I usually drink cocoa, coffee, tea and milk as though they are water. Bad. I�m converting to plain water. Good. =)
Geez. I�ve lost my train of thought. Okay. So it�s like. For me to really get interested in class and in work, I�ve got to somehow.. somehow.. get ahead and get my things right. CA is this Friday. CT is at the end of the month. Judo competition is also at the end of the month. 2 weeks. Time isn�t really a problem. For the past 5 years, almost every single test/exam was covered in a few hours. Same old routine. Playing till about 10. Freaking out. Revise madly. And falling asleep at around 1. Waking up at 4am. Freaked out. And revise till exams start.
Well, I�ve thought about it. Thought about co-existing with my bad habit. Huh? Okay, basically it means to accept the fact that I�m a crazy gamer. I have to touch my computer daily. But I�ve got to get my work done as well. Before or after my games somehow. But I guess that�s not going to work. I can�t concentrate if I were to study before I can play. I�ll be too tired if I were to study after I play. Man, I�ve got to give myself a slap. I�m actually thinking of typing this blog entry and playing Ragnarok at the same time NOW! Get a grip. Please. Co-existence won�t work dear. You said it yourself. It�s either the best or nothing. So either you play games to the max, or nothing. So. What do I have to do? Leave my modem in school. Haha. I guess that�s the way man.
But hey, but I�ve got to download Evangelion. I�ve got to leave the computer on. It will take like 370hours more to download. -__- Okay, tell me what�s the point of downloading it if you can�t use your computer? Just buy the damn series. Be original. Fine. What other excuses have you got now? Erh. I feel lonely. I feel. What bullshit. Come on. There�s sms still. And you�ve got to concentrate anyway? And given your sleeping hours (and waking hours), who is around to talk to you? Okay.. And besides, you�ve got God (though it isn�t two-way thing.). What else. Erh, I�ve got to find my notes online. Real fast. I can get lots of things done real fast online. Hmm. Good point. Tell you what. Compile a list of what you want to do online on your PDA and, when there�s a long list, you�ll be allowed to come online. Think of the time you save. Booting up just once and doing so many zillion things. Instead of booting up a zillion times and shutting down a zillion time and wasting your time here and there.
Do you think it�s okay to move the computer out of your room then? Erh. I�ve got to hot-sync my palmtop. Got to recharge it. Nah. No point. Just plug out the charger and use it like your phone charger. *gulp*
And I guess you can leave your modem under your desk. It�s worth losing a modem as compared to screwing up you life, right?
(Haha. I think it�s strange talking to myself.)
So what are you waiting for? Um. Enjoying my last moments online.. Please?
Problem of self-control. I�ve been playing non-stop since CNY. In fact, I only went out on day one of CNY. The rest of my time was spent online playing away. No laughing matter. I don�t even need to eat. Don�t even need to drink. (And therefore no need to piss or shit.) I�ve not done any work since. I don�t know. Too long ago.
Right now, I think I should do something drastic. Like terminating my Internet 3 years ago. Cost a bomb. Did help; but didn�t last long. Some bank offered a plan with Singnet. I took it. And I�m back. Doing the same stupid things. The same things over and over again. Playing online. Clicking on contacts, looking at their pictures, viewing their profiles. Hunting blogs down. Looking for weird things online. Out of the world things. Funky things.
I can�t possibly terminate my Internet again. It will cost over $2000 for breaking the contract. Starhub is 'more fine' than the old SCV. Yeah, sure, I can unplug my things and all. I can ask my mum to keep my modem. I can pass it to my neighbor. But I know that I�m a bit crazy. Quite crazy in fact. I�ll get it back soon when the urge comes back.
This is serious. Internet addiction! Severe.
I could smash my com. But that�s not being practical either. What if I have a sudden need to like do some project? I can�t possibly buy a new com for every project and smash it soon after?
I think I should leave my modem in school. When there�s work to be done online, schoolwork to be done online, things to be downloaded, will I bring my modem back home. I can leave my modem under my desk. But I don�t quite trust the class. Not in the sense that it�ll be stolen, but rather, it�ll be damaged. Yeah. I know I lock the class. And open the class. But the thing is. This door can be locked and left open, whoever leaves last will close it later. So I don�t know what will happen to my modem.
Haha, in fact, I can visualize myself having no computer. No Internet rather. I�ll be screaming. No, not that soon. I�ll be on the computer, listening to music I have on my computer. Trying to install some single player games. Lol. Trying to host my own Ragnarok server offline. But I don�t have the source codes. (Don�t even think of finding them.) So chances are, I�ll be playing my flight simulators, racing games and shooter games. And getting bored real quickly. No one to talk to. Haha. I�ll be really mad. There�s only the phone. And not everyone replies that fast to sms. Or rather, you can�t just start a conversation with random people via sms. I�ll be focused?
Let�s put all those philosophical stuff aside and get .. practical. Don�t quite like this, but hey, let�s get practical for just ten months? This will affect the rest of your life. Well, the rest of this life at least? You know how bad life can get. You�ve not felt and experience the worst, but you know life isn�t exactly nice. So let�s try to make this hellhole cozy? You�ve only lived for slightly longer than 17 years on this plane of existence and you aren�t exactly happy. So can you work hard, and try to make the best out of whatever you have now? Yes, yes, games, chatting and all are fun. Pleasurable. To put it in a really crude way, (as my friend once said;) �Procrastination is like masturbation, it feels good until you�ve realized that you�ve fucked yourself.� So. What are you doing now? You are still indulging in all your games. Silly games. Grow up. Yeah. I know there�s always this excuse that adults play games too. Personally, I know of grandpas that play Ragnarok and Renewal and other games. Yup. This could be an excuse to play.
But hey, how about, just reverse the timeframe a bit? Xian ku hou tian they say. And that�s what you believe in as well. When you eat, you tend to eat the not so nice things, and eat the nicest at the end. So, shouldn�t you apply that to your life as well?
I�ve been praying and getting more religious. I think God is doing something. The Ragnarok server went down for the whole of this afternoon. Then, it came up in the middle of the night, like a couple of hours ago (midnight). And my character died non-stop. Not really, but it was just bad. And just as I was walking to the in-game church, the game server crashed. Thank you God. =) And now I�m reflecting on all these things. I know that, I can think about all these things, and then my mind goes haywire the next day.
And yeah, since I�m behind time in academic work, and (I�ve got to admit that) I�ve got a stupid attitude-that is, if I can�t do well in something, I don�t do it. It�s either I get it perfect or nothing. So it�s like, in tutorial classes, I can�t do the questions, I get damn turned off. I switch off, and pray that school will be over real fast. I�ll tell myself that I�ll study at home and catch up, and when I reach home, I end up playing games, until about 11pm. That�s when I get tired, and when I get tired, I remember that I�ve yet to do tons of work, I feel slightly guilty/stupid, but alas, that�s too late. I fall asleep.
Yes, yes, right now as I�m typing all this, I am aware that I�ve got my biology tutorial, chemistry tutorial and mathematics assignments all over the room. None of which are done. Overdue. And again, I�m thankful that there isn�t chemistry tutorial class on Mondays. I think I hate chemistry the most. Doesn�t really make sense. Not really tangible or see-able. Everything�s so theoretical. Supposedly this atom moves to that �supposed� atom and this and that. And bang. Everything is in like Lego. Biology. I don�t understand, but I�m not too worried, because I know that they are all facts, facts and nothing to understand. Things just happen this way and that way. Mathematics. It�s like swimming and judo. Or maybe some musical instrument (hey, I�m musically declined. ..if there�s such a term.). You�ve got to practice, not stare and watch. It�s like, you can watch people play the piano and still, you won�t be able to play any pieces unless you�ve tried yourself.
I�m thirsty. I don�t think I should make any more drinks for myself. Okay, maybe something. But I think I should drink plain water. Yup. I usually drink cocoa, coffee, tea and milk as though they are water. Bad. I�m converting to plain water. Good. =)
Geez. I�ve lost my train of thought. Okay. So it�s like. For me to really get interested in class and in work, I�ve got to somehow.. somehow.. get ahead and get my things right. CA is this Friday. CT is at the end of the month. Judo competition is also at the end of the month. 2 weeks. Time isn�t really a problem. For the past 5 years, almost every single test/exam was covered in a few hours. Same old routine. Playing till about 10. Freaking out. Revise madly. And falling asleep at around 1. Waking up at 4am. Freaked out. And revise till exams start.
Well, I�ve thought about it. Thought about co-existing with my bad habit. Huh? Okay, basically it means to accept the fact that I�m a crazy gamer. I have to touch my computer daily. But I�ve got to get my work done as well. Before or after my games somehow. But I guess that�s not going to work. I can�t concentrate if I were to study before I can play. I�ll be too tired if I were to study after I play. Man, I�ve got to give myself a slap. I�m actually thinking of typing this blog entry and playing Ragnarok at the same time NOW! Get a grip. Please. Co-existence won�t work dear. You said it yourself. It�s either the best or nothing. So either you play games to the max, or nothing. So. What do I have to do? Leave my modem in school. Haha. I guess that�s the way man.
But hey, but I�ve got to download Evangelion. I�ve got to leave the computer on. It will take like 370hours more to download. -__- Okay, tell me what�s the point of downloading it if you can�t use your computer? Just buy the damn series. Be original. Fine. What other excuses have you got now? Erh. I feel lonely. I feel. What bullshit. Come on. There�s sms still. And you�ve got to concentrate anyway? And given your sleeping hours (and waking hours), who is around to talk to you? Okay.. And besides, you�ve got God (though it isn�t two-way thing.). What else. Erh, I�ve got to find my notes online. Real fast. I can get lots of things done real fast online. Hmm. Good point. Tell you what. Compile a list of what you want to do online on your PDA and, when there�s a long list, you�ll be allowed to come online. Think of the time you save. Booting up just once and doing so many zillion things. Instead of booting up a zillion times and shutting down a zillion time and wasting your time here and there.
Do you think it�s okay to move the computer out of your room then? Erh. I�ve got to hot-sync my palmtop. Got to recharge it. Nah. No point. Just plug out the charger and use it like your phone charger. *gulp*
And I guess you can leave your modem under your desk. It�s worth losing a modem as compared to screwing up you life, right?
(Haha. I think it�s strange talking to myself.)
So what are you waiting for? Um. Enjoying my last moments online.. Please?
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