Okie. I think I'm more or less done with the skin. Yup. Hmm. What prompted me to blog once more. I don't deny the fact that blogging is actually a scream for attention. I need attention. Yup. And so I blog. Loads of stuff. I was so depressed. I still am. Always am. I was actually making a list of what causes me to be sad. 7 things. Can't list them down. All too personal. I was trying to list solutions as well. Solutions to my problems.
1) You can�t do shit about this.
2) If you are optimistic, you can say you will. ARGH!
3) This is easy.
4) Ditto.
5) ARGH. I HATE THIS.
6) Haiz.ARGH! ARGH! I HATE MYSELF!
I couldn't even get to the 7 solution. I think i half-broke-down[if there's such a word] when I got to the 4th solution. Screaming. Screaming inside my head. [i'm trained not to make noise. how should i put it? be it pain, frustration and stuff. i'll try not to make noise. i'll only shout when i'm berserking[in judo/physical stuff].] Ironic. Keeping quiet and I'm drowning myself in techno music. I don't really know. Techno is like. It gives life. to me that is. I feel so energized listening to techno. The tempo, the kind of sound, and surprisingly, some songs are meaningful. I like classical as well; especially Lord of The Ring stuff. On either sides. Weird eh? I'm an extremist I don't deny that. To put it really crude, I either make things perfect or fuck them totally. I couldn't bring myself to accept that I was that kind of person until quite recently. [This reminds me, I've just watched Meet the Fockers. Nice. Very nice movie.]
Incoherence eh? Yeah. Random thoughts. Somehow they all link to one another. Yet again they don't. Anything's thats on my mind, I'll just hit it in. Ah. blank. my mind is blank.
Oh. Speaking about blank. I was looking at suicide pictures. Of people self shooting themselves; point blank with shotgun. Freaking disgusting. Of brains flying everywhere. Heads splitting like some.. flower[okie, maybe not the color]? But somehow I kept looking.
I'm tired. Techno blasting. Ok, not quite blasting. Just playing away. I don't feel like sleeping. I feel weird. I feel like shit.
[added]
ARGH! I'M SO DAMN ASHAMED OF MYSELF. I HATE HISTORY! THINGS I'VE DONE. ARGH! REGRET. I'M FILLED WITH REGRET. I HATE MYSELF. I'M CRYING AS I TYPE THIS IN. LOOKING AT TIME. 2.59AM. STILL AM CRYING. I FEEL HURT. BY WHAT? I DON'T KNOW. MY VISION IS GETTING BLUR. 3.00AM TOO MUCH TEARS. I CRY FOR NO APPARENT REASON. I FEEL DUMB TO CRY. I'M BLANK. I'M LISTENING TO THE SONG.
LONGING. ARGH. SO MUCH THINGS ON MY MIND. I CAN'T LIST THEM DOWN HERE. 3.01AM. 3.02AM. i feel like shit.
[1:43PM]
crying is good. and sleep too.
1) You can�t do shit about this.
2) If you are optimistic, you can say you will. ARGH!
3) This is easy.
4) Ditto.
5) ARGH. I HATE THIS.
6) Haiz.ARGH! ARGH! I HATE MYSELF!
I couldn't even get to the 7 solution. I think i half-broke-down[if there's such a word] when I got to the 4th solution. Screaming. Screaming inside my head. [i'm trained not to make noise. how should i put it? be it pain, frustration and stuff. i'll try not to make noise. i'll only shout when i'm berserking[in judo/physical stuff].] Ironic. Keeping quiet and I'm drowning myself in techno music. I don't really know. Techno is like. It gives life. to me that is. I feel so energized listening to techno. The tempo, the kind of sound, and surprisingly, some songs are meaningful. I like classical as well; especially Lord of The Ring stuff. On either sides. Weird eh? I'm an extremist I don't deny that. To put it really crude, I either make things perfect or fuck them totally. I couldn't bring myself to accept that I was that kind of person until quite recently. [This reminds me, I've just watched Meet the Fockers. Nice. Very nice movie.]
Incoherence eh? Yeah. Random thoughts. Somehow they all link to one another. Yet again they don't. Anything's thats on my mind, I'll just hit it in. Ah. blank. my mind is blank.
Oh. Speaking about blank. I was looking at suicide pictures. Of people self shooting themselves; point blank with shotgun. Freaking disgusting. Of brains flying everywhere. Heads splitting like some.. flower[okie, maybe not the color]? But somehow I kept looking.
I'm tired. Techno blasting. Ok, not quite blasting. Just playing away. I don't feel like sleeping. I feel weird. I feel like shit.
[added]
ARGH! I'M SO DAMN ASHAMED OF MYSELF. I HATE HISTORY! THINGS I'VE DONE. ARGH! REGRET. I'M FILLED WITH REGRET. I HATE MYSELF. I'M CRYING AS I TYPE THIS IN. LOOKING AT TIME. 2.59AM. STILL AM CRYING. I FEEL HURT. BY WHAT? I DON'T KNOW. MY VISION IS GETTING BLUR. 3.00AM TOO MUCH TEARS. I CRY FOR NO APPARENT REASON. I FEEL DUMB TO CRY. I'M BLANK. I'M LISTENING TO THE SONG.
LONGING. ARGH. SO MUCH THINGS ON MY MIND. I CAN'T LIST THEM DOWN HERE. 3.01AM. 3.02AM. i feel like shit.
[1:43PM]
crying is good. and sleep too.
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