Karebu

2012-01-26T18:24:00.001+08:00

善因必有善果, 恶因必有恶果Each seed of goodness that one plants becomes a tree that shall give him shade in the future. It may not be now but it will come.What we reap today is what we have sown and what we sow today shall be what we reap in future.The main difficulty that many face is in reconciling with the observation that there are people who seem to be ruthless, vicious and do bad things who still seem

2012-01-16T16:51:00.002+08:00

and He asked if he had done all he need to with love.To which he responded, "No, please give me some more time."

2012-01-10T13:13:00.003+08:00

Hello.Today marks the 11th day, post-op. The last eleven days feel insanely long. I cannot remember experiencing any illness or debilitation for such an extended period.I was hopeful - hopeful that the docs will give me some range of motion instead of having to fully immobilize my knee. Having a fully straightened leg 24/7 is inconvenient. No doubt about that. Showers don't come by easily. Going

2012-01-09T07:59:00.006+08:00

That girl staying in #12-288.I've not seen her for quite some time.And I've not looked at her photos for some time already.I'm about to give my old computer away.And all those photos are still trapped in there.I'm tempted to run a really powerful magnet through the harddisk of my old computer.And the photos will all be gone.

2011-12-26T04:33:00.001+08:00

I want to go home so badly, in that world that seems too magical and impossible to beings here. However, I know too, that, before I am able to return, I have to play by the rules, here.

2011-12-25T00:36:00.001+08:00

raab rakhkha

2011-12-22T00:24:00.001+08:00

2011-12-11T19:02:00.001+08:00

If we want to follow the path of chastity and aspire that our wife first be chaste, then we are failures already. If we want to cease being drunkards but we become embarrassed when we are offered a drink because of whet others will say, or because our friends could become angry, then we will never cease to be drunkards. If we want to cease being angry, irascible, irate, furious, but as a

2011-12-04T21:26:00.003+08:00

He knew more than she imagined, more than she could guess, for he possessed a gift that was beyond understanding. From her message she had sent; her words, her scent; he could sense the anxiety she was feeling.

2011-11-09T21:10:00.001+08:00

Life is comfortable. Be thankful.

2011-11-09T12:37:00.001+08:00

2011-11-05T16:47:00.001+08:00

hic locus est ubi mors gaudet succurrere vitae

2011-11-01T19:15:00.001+08:00

No sympathy for the devil; keep that in mindBuy the ticket, take the rideand if it occasionally gets a little heavier than what you had in mind, well.

2011-10-24T19:54:00.001+08:00

No time to grief

2011-10-22T19:38:00.001+08:00

2011-10-21T21:26:00.002+08:00

I have found an old love of mine;I really do enjoy showering with hot water in the dark and in the open.

2011-10-17T10:29:00.005+08:00

"Is it a silly name I have?" she asked.I considered it for a moment. "No. It's beautiful. It's real and it's true. Better than the Marchs, Aprils, Mays and Junes. I like your name. Not months. And I like you.""Why?""Because when we are here sharing our warmth on the couch lying together we have nothing to hide. You can see everything of me. And I can enjoy every bit of you.""I want babies. I want

2011-10-08T11:32:00.006+08:00

Friday was a strange day. It was about waking up to the oddest Friday. The feeling. That feeling. I hadn't forgotten. It's just that I forgot to take my pills. It's all alright now. Because I have substituted the pill for pills.Till perhaps another time

2011-10-08T10:11:00.002+08:00

I woke up feeling very lost.!I woke still feeling the loss.I woke up feeling disbelief.

2011-09-27T19:07:00.001+08:00

"Many of them say nasty things behind my back but every last one of them smiles at me and says hello - that's all that matters to me"

2011-09-26T19:13:00.003+08:00

It has been quite a jog, run, hop and now it's so painfully comfortable to sit here watching people, cars, pass you by.Though this is not where I want to be it's tolerably beautiful and peaceful. Maybe I could sit here the whole night. After all, I'm not very keen on going anywhere, not very keen on going home, not very keen on finding home.Is that, a sin?

2011-09-24T10:27:00.002+08:00

Running through the streets up buildings kicking doors open with a girl I don't know I don't remember taking out bad guys with super powers with a pow!

2011-09-11T20:56:00.001+08:00

The sense of loss is not unfamiliar, yet it feels, so strange, so very strange.

2011-09-08T23:56:00.002+08:00

I do think that people do know what they signed up for.I do think that people can sense how high the probability of a divorce is when they get together with a certain someone.It's very simple. Just remember that people don't change and use your intuition.

2011-09-08T07:41:00.002+08:00

You know, it's not even funny, it's not even imaginable, it's not even acceptable, if you were to pass away even before your kid turns twelve?You know, you will remain dead, even when your kid turns twenty-four, turns forty-eight?

2011-09-06T13:07:00.002+08:00

There's this inexplicable desire to throw things out, to abandon things. To get a new haircut, to change my name. This must indicate an underlying problem.

2011-09-04T04:21:00.005+08:00

Time doesn't seem to move on quiet afternoons. The sort of an afternoon, lazing at home, with no work, no house chores, with nothing important to do. Where everyone's out of the neighborhood. Or catching naps in bed. And the sun shines bright. No breeze. Only birds. A gentle clear day, when you can do anything, everything you want. The clouds pasted on the sky still looked the same as when I

2011-09-03T05:26:00.002+08:00

I'm so warm. I don't know if it's the alcohol. The writing. Or my recurring fever.

2011-09-03T04:46:00.007+08:00

I was in her cozy room at 6.35am. Outside hung a dark morning. With only the occasional flashes of lightning. The distant rumbles. The cold wind blowing in. The shivers. We had a glass of whiskey each in our hands, to warm our hearts. A table lamp lit part of her room. "I love the way you write," she said. "Live. Love. Dream. And then Die. That's pretty much what story-folks can do in a word

2011-08-17T01:31:00.002+08:00

Today is a repetition of yesterday. What is the purpose. Work, eat, shit, sleep. Work, eat, shit, sleep. It would be easy to break the cycle. To call in sick, and run naked down the streets. To kiss the first pretty girl I see, and lie down in the middle of the road. Writing's hurting my head for some time. Because there are so many things I want to write about. I know I have to. To write.

2011-08-15T00:11:00.005+08:00

Frankly, I don't know how. To reach out to anyone or to let anyone reach in to me. Talking just doesn't seem to do it. I talk about many things, I know quite a few things, I joke fairly well, I can listen. But the problem is probably words. Words just can't describe what is that that is hiding in me. It's rather a sensation of sort, that you can rub around the edges with the skin of your soul, a

2011-08-04T17:50:00.003+08:00

It's painful. It's just so easy to fall apart and break into pieces.Several parts going to school every morning; several parts wallowing in bed; 8 pieces roaming the streets in all directions; 3 pieces crying in the bathroom - one by the sink, one in the shower cubicle, one on the toiletbowl.The agony. Like a thousand grevious pains and not a single hope to close the gap and heal again. I bled

2011-07-26T01:40:00.000+08:00

I need a sensory deprivation tank.

2011-07-21T20:00:00.000+08:00

At the break of dayWhen the world is still sleepingHere is when we layMe in your safe keepingDawn is so peacefulBreaking free, bringing her lightStill I stay in your armsThe only place that feels so rightDon’t wanna wake todayLet’s stay stay staySo I shut my eyes againAnd pray pray prayCome the sun or come the rainYou’ll go awayHere in your arms I’ll stayAll day day dayLet’s stay awayBe alone

2011-07-19T16:10:00.001+08:00

2011-07-17T18:17:00.005+08:00

Scene: A hotel room, with a twin-sharing bed in the middle of the stage. A small writing table and a stool stand at the left. A series of wood panels laminated with the motif of brown balloons serve as the backdrop of the hotel room. A seascape photo hangs on one of the panels.One night. Two nights. Three. Four five six. There are bottles of whiskey broken lying all around. Blood all over the bed

2011-07-12T21:59:00.006+08:00

2011-07-11T09:06:00.004+08:00

The train it broke down at bishan at about 820 today.I do not know why but I'm deliriously happy today.

2011-07-11T00:40:00.002+08:00

I know I'm dying. My heart is beating strong. But I'm dying. Each step I go nearer to the final full-stop, I'm dying. Some people say that we are dying the moment we are born. I hate to think of it this way, but I can't help it. I would love to be living till the last moment. Someday I think I will. So, my dear friend, before I close the door, please think positive. Make me live a short happy

2011-07-09T02:56:00.001+08:00

I wonder if pain can ever become routine and fade away.

2011-07-08T00:30:00.000+08:00

I'm coming out of my cageAnd I’ve been doing just fineGotta gotta gotta be downBecause I want it allIt started out with a kissHow did it end up like thisIt was only a kiss, it was only a kissNow I’m falling asleepAnd she’s calling a cabWhile he’s having a smokeAnd she’s taking a dragNow they’re going to bedAnd my stomach is sickAnd it’s all in my headBut she’s touching his—chestNow, he takes off

2011-07-03T10:52:00.010+08:00

I take the train to work these days.On good mornings I see beautiful women. And every morning, I think I may have fallen in love, over and over again.I must confess that I enjoy it when they get close to me, and so I get even closer to them. I'm rather thankful for the crowd. After all, who could feign being tipsy at this hour?That morning. That lady was edging in, making her way towards me. She

2011-07-03T01:44:00.002+08:00

Come around, feel the soundOh you make my heart poundFill me up, bring me downWhen I hear your soundI've got pressure, I'm in deepSeems everybody wants something from meI was a lover, but now a thiefI'll take your breath away and set you freeSo much pressureSo much heatSo much hustleThey want meCome around, feel the soundOh you make my heart poundFill me up, bring me downWhen I hear your sound

2011-06-28T19:59:00.002+08:00

1 John 4:19

2011-06-28T19:41:00.000+08:00

This is not a teenager's rant.I'm unhappy and I'm starting to dislike myself.

2011-06-26T21:13:00.003+08:00

It's not necessary to remember events that happened in the desired manner. Not in their originally experienced form. All that's required is a series of victories over your own memory.

2011-06-15T13:06:00.002+08:00

Today my friend was walking with me. He told me,"You know you got this genna lan face.""What do you mean," I asked."You look like you're in pain. Like pain mentally pain physical. Like fucked up like that."To which I replied, "You're probably right."

2011-06-15T07:37:00.001+08:00

Dear diary. I tried to read on the train today. Words came rushing in and rushing past, like the trees, the flats outside the train, like the strangers brushing you, touching you.Eisb dogies. Ddldpw GUY WITH BAD BREATH OMG slpdck skew g h g. Sw old eg h. Hunu w. A S f. Gododldk q. Wijfpdpen fksn.Its not that bad today, though, the pain, is growing in the chest and legs.Kcksndpfo. F dislodged

2011-06-08T00:37:00.001+08:00

It is a strange fight that is lost when won and won when lost.

2011-06-05T09:36:00.007+08:00

"He always sits here," she said, pointing to a dusty seat beside her."He has always been in pain. It's ok - that's what he used to say, but now he's gone."She continued, "My husband passed away twenty four years ago. My daughter is now married. And I thought my eldest son would be staying here with me.Things just don't turn out the way you think they would.Do you call that happiness? "

2011-06-02T11:02:00.001+08:00

I wanna runI wanna hideWhat I've becomeWho am I, love?What am I supposed to be?But what if I lose my wayand run right into you?

2011-06-01T13:35:00.000+08:00

2011-05-30T15:28:00.001+08:00

2011-05-30T14:58:00.001+08:00

2011-05-22T17:52:00.002+08:00

I have never been attentive, nor have I been interested in class.Nonetheless I remember, that the furthest distance between two points on a circle circle has always been that of two opposites.So as you take a step forward, walking down those streets, I too, would take a step forward, walking by the windows where the smells and laughters, too, float out. That way, we can keep our distance.Here I

2011-05-15T01:22:00.001+08:00

there was once a ferris wheel of love in my roomat the brink of death of each and every nightwe would hitch a ride to the starspretending to lovewithoutthe problems and consequences of lovetill the wheel comes downtill the morning comes downto break our heartsand we said goodbye with a smilewith a smileyou don't care if someone else was on my bed last nightyou only have an empty space to fillin

2011-05-14T11:56:00.003+08:00

There's nothing more fanatic than the unbridled love of a fourteen year old.I thought nothing would come close. Nothing should. After all, I still love her, that fourteen year old.A fever a desperate religion and all that she can say isgive me just a little bitgimme just a little bita train that never stops rolling it's getting into your blooda need that never stops growing she's a poisonous onea

2011-05-11T14:35:00.003+08:00

Remember,it’s the beautiful ones I don’t know, I’ve never slept with, that know my secrets.And I love you too, my beautiful reader.

2011-05-08T02:00:00.008+08:00

It was two in the morning.You heard the plane in its movement. You tried holding him, but he was gone.You gazed at the stars, and the dark spaces of heaven.You contemplated the gods themselves. Above. The milky way of lights. Packed full. Crowded.So many secrets.You contemplated the gods themselves. Above. The distance between each light. Scattered afar. Vastness.So much loneliness."I cry with my

2011-05-03T19:57:00.004+08:00

The night light shone through her sheer pajamas. She began unbuttoning her top. "Dreams are meant for dreaming. Dreams are meant for desires." She let slip her bottom. And she climbed onto the bed towards me.I called her name again, and again, like I always do in the house. And she took off my shirt, and pulled off my pants, and uncovered my snake, hissing."It's okay," I told her, "it doesn't

2011-04-22T23:21:00.004+08:00

There I was, in her room. There was nowhere I could run, nowhere to hide.And she looked at me with disdain. "Can't you feel it? This is real! Not a dream! We've been here for hours and still we are here together. So stop praying and start thinking what to do!"I was praying hard for whoever was dreaming this to wake up. I even promised God that I would attend church every single day if He makes

2011-04-18T15:09:00.001+08:00

http://youtu.be/qrOeGCJdZe4

2011-04-15T18:24:00.001+08:00

Well, it's necessary to rearrange one's memories to remember the events that happened in the desired manner. Not in their originally experienced form. All that's needed is a series of victories over your own memory.

2011-04-04T21:57:00.003+08:00

It was raining rose petals when I reached Keong Saik Road that late afternoon. The red petals turned to blood in my hands. I had to find a place to hide. Fast.Underneath a shophouse, there was a door with a sign bearing the Chinese word "seven" beside it. The door was open. I ran in.There was a huge tank of water. Like an aquarium tank for fishes. Very big tank. But there were no fishes. A lady

2011-04-03T00:01:00.003+08:00

Living is a scary thing.What more, being half alive.

2011-04-02T13:25:00.002+08:00

She dreamt.I was taking another woman from behind. This other woman had her shirt on. But her skirt was lifted up above the waist. Her panty lay on the floor. She dreamt she saw me taking another woman from behind.It was in the semi-darkness of a corner of the room. This other woman had her elbows resting on a desk. Her back was arched to meet her smooth ass to my grinding hips. Her long legs

2011-03-31T23:05:00.002+08:00

It was a sinking feeling. A hole had opened up and I dropped in, stomach first. The horror. The shock. The embarrassment. And the terrible sinking feeling.So I was smoking myself stupid. Burning paper cups from macdonalds with my zippo. Burning the cardboard. And the plastics. Gazing. At the sea. Sipping my flask. From dusk. Till dawn.Each morning then, when I wake, I wonder if I should wake up

2011-03-28T23:03:00.002+08:00

2011-03-27T21:03:00.000+08:00

I'm leaving todayThese vagabond shoesAre longing to strayI want to wake up in the city that doesn't sleepThese little town bluesAre melting awayI'll make a brand new start of itIf I can make it thereI'll make it anywhereIt's up to you,

2011-02-19T20:50:00.002+08:00

You must learn the art. The art of staying alive. The art of staying alive and staying drunk.Alcohol is essential my friend. It is a tool to be used in the greatest art of them all losing certain memories, getting rid of excess baggage if you will. But here comes the catch.If you lose all the memories you won't have a reason to drink. Now that is a problem, isn't it?

2011-02-15T21:01:00.001+08:00

This is a dull period.Do something.

2011-01-30T21:32:00.001+08:00

Day fell with a tremendous downpour into an early night. The dark clouds blotting out the sky. The street lamps still slept. The world a liquid grey.Whatever light there was in the air reflected itself in the falling rain droplets, in the spherical droplets hanging on the leaves, in the puddles shivering on the road. I had my colleague with me under an umbrella. She was shivering too.We rushed

2011-01-29T21:12:00.002+08:00

She was from the English Drama Society and she announced that she could produce tears in less than 3 minutes. She claimed that during drama practice the day before, she was the fastest among 20 other members.I laughed, and said that not only could I cry within a minute, I could continue crying for another 10 more minutes.Someone took out his watch and placed it on the table. The challenge was

2010-11-10T03:08:00.001+08:00

They all say they know how you feel. But I don't. I don't need to. I have felt the same, and am feeling the same.It's crazy. It's inexplicable. How it all seems so wondrous. Even if it's just a mere thought. How the smile seems so radiant. Even if it wasn't for you. How a conversation could make your day. Even if it was about the weather.(Well for me it was how everything seemed so juvenile, so

2010-11-02T02:46:00.000+08:00

And you my friend, will never win unless you learn how to fight on the ground.

2010-10-20T21:10:00.001+08:00

"You too.An immortal?""No, I just don't fear death.I've got nothing to lose.It was never going to work out for me.It even rained, the day I was born."

2010-10-17T10:16:00.001+08:00

I grew up playing the fiddle.And on the fiddle there are four lines. It is pretty much like palmistry, where each line matters a lot and a slight variation would sound off quite different. The bow is to the strings and the razor is to the palm; the sharper the bow, the more crisp the notes.But sometimes one simply loves a dull bow; the terrible notes churned out with each pull and push of the bow

2010-09-15T03:22:00.003+08:00

When I was in JC, I had to see a cardiologist. The nurses strapped me up with wires and hooked up a small metal box on my chest. I wore them all under my uniform for 24 hours. The wires, the electricity, the small metal box. 24 hours later, the doctor told me I had a hole in my heart.There is a cup in this world, with a hole at the bottom. You can pour all the water you want in it and it would be

2010-09-13T23:06:00.001+08:00

The only winning move is not to play.Not to play, make any sound, respond.

2010-09-09T09:13:00.002+08:00

She was wearing a black dress.Dark, soft, sensuous.The same coal black hair flowing down her neck, her egg-shaped face.And a blush on her face as she sat beside me."Anna Sui. Night of Fancy," I said."Yea," she replied.A rather sheepish reply. And she looked embarassed for a moment. (I gave it to her before we parted.) But quickly she regained her composure.She scorned, "And you. Still smelling

2010-09-05T01:33:00.002+08:00

She dreamt she saw me though I was faceless. But she knew it was me."I had a strange dream," she said."Yeah," I replied."I dreamt that you were my lover and you were also my husband," she said again.We were lying on the bed facing the window, our legs resting on the grill. The sky was full of fluffy white clouds. The bed was large and comfortable - soft and cool and topped with a fine cream

2010-09-02T01:08:00.001+08:00

Remember. Don't worry.The hurting can't last forever.It's just a long drawn moment.

2010-08-16T22:01:00.001+08:00

I cannot live either way, and it is impossible not to live either way.She told me she can't simply forget me.But I could try.Joni Mitchell says: If you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.So I never let her know,I never give myself away.Never.At least I try not to.It's a sinking feeling though.As if a hole had opened up and my stomach just dropped into it.And hey you.Don't

2010-07-15T19:06:00.001+08:00

I made myself a cup of tea. It did little to thaw my innards.The girl staying in #12-288I forgot how long I left the door open for her. She came. She left. Left. And came. And all these while I've been kneeling by the door, waiting, waiting for her.She loved to shout, "okaerinasai!", and then jump into my arms. We talked. Hugged. Loved. Made the bed. Ate together. Had cups of tea.I didn't know

2010-07-06T22:39:00.003+08:00

Love, she has found, is beneath him. She found him, by a rusted carousel. But he was just standing there, staring, waiting. He doesn't seem to recognize her. He looks like a ghost who has forgotten to die.But he noticed her.He said, "Last night I had a pain in my head and I couldn't seem to form a complete thought anymore. Couldn't sleep with that glow coming from the windows. Things out there

2010-06-08T01:21:00.002+08:00

He was found dead outside her house #12-288 with a pistol in his mouth and a note in his hand. And the note read:Do you remember what happened two years ago on that December night? You made me really happy. Thank you.

2010-06-07T23:59:00.006+08:00

It's almost morning and you still couldn't sleep. You looked out the window and was thankful for the little bit of blue sky showing through the crowd of phallic buildings. You tried to make a few phonecalls. He did not pick up. Left a message for him. And took a flight out of the country.And as you headed there in the air, in a sky full of blue, you felt not just lonely, but terribly alone. You

2010-06-03T05:15:00.002+08:00

Dawn was not happy when I told her that many had lain where she was lying at the moment."I love all the ladies when they are in my bed. I may be unfaithful but I am always truthful. I only make everlasting love. For I've been taught the instruments of love. How the tongue flickers. Where the rosebud blossoms. How to push the wheelbarrow. When to plug her leak."I explained that there is only one

2010-05-05T17:45:00.000+08:00

"Come over now. I need your help."I started my engine, got the wiper wiping off the condensation on my windscreen. A while later when I appeared at her door she was already there waiting. The night light shone through her sheer pyjamas."Yea?"She said nothing. I pointed to her text message on my phone.It read, " <3 ".She looked and looked away. Still, she said nothing.It is strange how we love

2010-04-26T23:47:00.003+08:00

I awake to the early morning rain - red and chilly. In my dream someone was calling me. Someone who had no face. Faceless. Featureless. Yet, I knew she was beautiful. She was calling me. Yes, I heard her. The telephone ringing in the background.I can hear her breathing through the receiver set of my telephone. Regular. Calm. Deep. Unhurried. Sounds sexy. But I would rather go back to my bed and

2010-04-24T00:20:00.007+08:00

It was in a room without walls and without ceiling where we shared our warmth on a couch lying together."What if I could only love you for a day?""Why?" she asked. "Why?"I tapped my heart."There is a certain wildness in here, that cannot survive the civilities, the trivialities and responsibilities of formal love and conventional marriage. Perhaps it isn't to be."She rested her head on my

2010-04-11T14:47:00.004+08:00

You left me all your money. Your everything. I don’t want them. Don’t want any.You left me everything. His dirty stain. You’re stained. You left the stain on me. The dirty stain on me. That no soap. No detergent. No sex or fucks can get it out. It just gets a little fainter.Yet tomorrow you will forget everything. You will be living innocently again in a series of happy stories with no sad

2010-02-01T10:28:00.002+08:00

Been seriously ill quite a number of times that I wonder what exactly is a near-death experience.Experienced so much pain that I wonder what is it like to have pain that shuts the brain down.But I guess what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, however frail you might be.

2010-01-21T17:00:00.002+08:00

Sometimes the way that you act makes me wonder what I am to youSometimes I can't stand the way that I'm acting to be part of the things you doOften I've asked you for too much of your timeLike I'm stealingTime after time I have needed a reasonJust to get inside your worldSo many times have I asked myself how it feels to loveAnd this love seems the only conclusion that I'm guilty ofPut your loving

2010-01-21T09:52:00.002+08:00

Strangely I can't bring myself to get fresh air.Very odd, I know, in that I no longer found comfort and that i would even try.

2010-01-21T01:57:00.003+08:00

It is the first time, now, that i've opened the satchet of biscuits and tasted it. I never dared to open the boxed packet coz it was so precious and please don't blame him - I didn't actually made an effort to collect as well.Eating the biscuit as though I were a kid who only had a single toffee, chewing it so gently and praying that it melts slower.I've never felt relief in this way before and

2010-01-14T04:00:00.000+08:00

I’m sorry.I’m terribly poor at explaining things.So I hope you don’t mind if I don’t make sense.I only wanted to help.I never actually want to mean you harm, sleepless nights and heartache.I am sorry if I have caused you trouble.

2010-01-13T00:48:00.002+08:00

I saw her from afar, the lonely form wandering down the expressway. The streetlamps burned like stars. The headlights, the taillights flew, in a dizzy blaze of speed.My honda stopped beside; while she peered in. Staring at me through the door window, mouthing her silent words of: "Sir, can you take me? Let me come home to stay. Please.."My door opened, and closed, and no more would she say. And

2010-01-10T15:12:00.003+08:00

"That daimon which Godbreathed into me at birthI with glad heartreturn now to Him."

2010-01-05T21:59:00.002+08:00

But I can run. Run. And I have been running. Running from the places that remind me of her. Running from the things that remind me of her. Just looking ahead always, and running. Running. Running till I have nowhere to run from myself. My memories. My dreams.Because there is love, there is pain. I may be dead, but I'm still hurting.One day I will fall apart. My hands dragging my arms, they