I feel a sense of loss, a terrible one. It feels like walking into a maze, with no way out, with no way back. It isn't a feeling of loneliness but one that is timeless, endless. Waiting for things to happen, waiting for things to end, waiting, waiting.




And of course, those weren't my thoughts.

For some reason I've been doing fine with little sleep.

Also I'm perfectly used to fasting, this being my _th number of fast. I don't hunger and gastric is non-issue since it's really mental - I'm a living proof.

I don't need sleep, I don't need food and yet physically I feel perfectly fine. But it feels wrong. I feel unhuman.



Not tiring is tiring.





Anyway yesterday I asked my buddy a question while we were reversing quite abit and we broke out laughing.

"So, does the odometer run backwards when we reverse? Or does it not count? Or does it count?"

Such a silly yet sensible question.

And what different is greed, lust, gluttony from honor and virtues? They are all man-made, intangible.

You can die honorably, but of what use is a dead hero?

You could steal some food, be a villain, but hey, you're very much alive.



And suddenly they all look the same to me.

Is this a greater evil - someone who proclaims himself to be a follower of a faith and yet merely exists to be one because he feigns so, through his actions and false words uttered; or even perhaps he was conferred no choice and had to fake his belief?

Or would this be a greater evil - someone who claims to have no faith and yet treats beings with kindness and respect and lives a virtuous life that, in all aspects (other than religion of course), is worth modeling after?

From the conversations, I knew it would not be good.

And yet, I did, because it would only be gracious to do so, to give the due respect to both the gift and person; even if it existed for that wisp moment.

And as I was rushing to churn out my lit paper this morning at 8am.



Google was sorry.

latess

What then, is apparent?

I keep getting ejected from dreamland. I slept at around 11.30pm yesterday and I woke at 3.43am - I know because I checked my phone.

My ankle aches. I've not twisted my ankle before. My back aches a little too. I'm not sure if it's judo or skating.

Tried inline hockey anyway. I kept firing to the left of my target. It does take some getting used to; the curvature of the inline hockey stick.

Judo was cramped. There was a barrage of novices. I ran into 3 other mili tary pol icem en though. Didn't join the rest for makan session (supposedly outside school) so we were went for kopi by ourselves.

People thought I weigh 70-75kg when they sized me up. But in reality I stand at 80. Wiki says the skeleton is 20% of body weight. So if I look like a 75, my skeleton should weigh 15kg. But I'm actually 80kg. So it's 20kg. Bones that are 30% heavier than normal. Muscles are supposedly also denser, but how can you tell how much have you got anyway?


Now now, it feels very hard to NOT to go for future sessions now that I've met new people.



Cheers to random cuts

Why bother coming to school